Sunday, September 13, 2009

better later than never?

So the husband and I have begun our epic roadtrip and I, like a chump, left the disc of wedding photos at home. So six weeks from now I'll post more. Sorry.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

better late than never- the ceremony

So, as I might have mentioned, I bawled through the entire ceremony. I was a basketcase. My sister was a basketcase. My husband was...crying. As far as I can tell, everyone cried. For better or worse, it was that kind of wedding. (I like to think it was because it was the most heartfelt, touching wedding anybody has ever attended, but who knows. Crying's a bit contagious, as it turns out.)

This is me, coming down the aisle. I promise that I am pleased about being led down the aisle and do not think I am instead being led to a firing squad.

But I was happy, promise.

Because the tent flaps were up and it was a blustery, rainy day turned into a lovely evening, the wind was blowing quite a bit. I think, on the whole, that was good--it prevented a lot of the sweating that was otherwise inevitable from the bridal party. It made my veil whip around quite a bit, though, which at the time I found sort of hilariously annoying, but in photographs is quite dramatic.

All in all, the ceremony was everything I wanted it to be: short but not too short, sweet, heartfelt, non-religious, and meaningful (at least to us).

better late than never- part II

So the idea was that the hubs and I would do photos separately before the ceremony with our respective halves of the bridal party and our families, so that during the cocktail hour we'd do photos with the two of us and whomever else. (As I said before, we went real old school and didn't see each other before the ceremony.) Anyway, I was thinking we'd do photos in the main square of our hometown and outside the museum where we got married (which has lovely grounds). Unfortunately, it started raining that afternoon and this is one of about 4 photos we got outside before the skies opened up:

(That's my bridesman, Phil, on the end there. Plus, my sister and the other bridesmaid, Liz, that you've seen already.)

And this is us, about 30 seconds later, running out of the rain:

Luckily, my photographer is super creative and took the opportunity to take some sweet dramatic shots in an nearby alley with some cover. Unluckily, where it also reeked of urine.

Luckily again, however, it stopped raining by ceremony time, meaning that the sides of the tent where we were married could be opened up a bit to show some of the beautiful green gardens that were the whole reason I chose the location in the first place. Ceremony photos soon to follow...

(Again, photos courtesy Amanda Egan. You can click to see a larger version.)

better late than never- part I

We started the day with mimosas. What?

Mimosas and make up. Luckily, I guess, the make up artist wasn't drinking. She was, however, under the influence of some serious pain meds. (The lovely and talented Heidi fell the night before The Big Day and jacked up her knee. She was determined enough to come do up our faces anyway and her husband drove her and carried her not insubstantial stash of face paints up to our hotel room.) Anyway, regardless of what sorts of substances she may or may not have been on, she did a great job.

The hubs and I agreed to exchange cards on the day of the wedding, rather than gifts or anything, in part because we weren't going to see each other before the ceremony.

We bought each other the same card. Seriously. From two different stores. It's not even a wedding card! (Outside text: YOU ARE AWESOME. Inside: And by "awesome," I mean "totally awesome.") If that's not a damn omen, I don't know what is.

This is my sister. Isn't she irritatingly pretty? Anyway, you can see behind her there my other bridesmaid and Julie the Wedding Planner attempting to zip her into her dress. It was a little touch and go there for a minute, but I can assure you she got in and stayed in and along the way someone pronounced her breasts "totally perfect."

Throughout this portion of the day, I was getting pretty antsy. I mean, I was having fun and enjoying the company of my friends and photographers and planners and whatnot, but there's a lot of "let's get this show on the road" in me that I just can't break. So anyway, I was excited to get in the dress.

I post this photo mostly because I think the looks on my bridesmaids' faces are hilarious. Like my dress has sprouted three heads or something.

These are my momma's hands, getting me all zipped up.

And this...this is more or less the final look.

More to come, honest.

(All photos courtesy of the incomparable Amanda Egan.)

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I haven't forgotten you

Honest! All the photos just got posted to my photog's website this week, and I'm waiting on my (unwatermarked) CD full of 'em, at which point I'll start posting again with full on recaps. But looking through all the photos again has made me remember how seriously AWESOME the wedding was.

Saturday, May 30, 2009


This is how I feel when I think back on the wedding day.

Friday, May 22, 2009

this is the (sixth) day of my life

In part for the Mister, but also because it's a lovely little song...

click it. really.

These things take forever; I especially am slow.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

with this ring...

This is one of only three pro photos I have currently...more coming, I promise. I'd like to do a photo story with my impressions of the day, so I'm going to hold off for those photos.

We're just back from our "mini-moon" and today's D-Day where we have to rejoin the real world: I start bar classes, and he goes back to work. I also plan to blog a little bit about totally non-wedding-related topics, so if you'd like to follow me after I finish up here, you can at Kate Gets A Life.

Sunday, May 17, 2009


Well, I have been married for all of about 11.5 hours!!!!!!!! AAAH!! (I am only blogging because I am a crazy person and cannot sleep. The Hubs is still in bed, and given how tired he was, I wouldn't be surprised if he sleeps another 6 hours.)

Everything went PERFECTLY. Seriously. I didn't think that that was a thing that happened to people, but it totally did. Maybe perfectly is too strong--it did rain in the afternoon, so we had the ceremony in the tent, but they opened it up to the garden and it was totally lovely.

People ate the delicious food and they drank the delicious booze and they danced and danced and danced and danced. And by "people" I do of course mean "yours truly."

Highlights: who am I kidding? It was like one big highlight reel.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

hot mess

The fact is that I'm a pretty neurotic person. I don't handle stress all that well. And I've been pretty stressed out. Combine this with the fact that I'm not one of those girls who's been compiling a wedding binder since my 6th birthday, and I'm going to tell you something: hiring a wedding planner was not an optional expense.

I hired Julie The Wedding Planner last summer, after I had booked the location and picked a caterer. (Thus we had already sprung for the premium bar package, and as far as The Mister was concerned, wedding planning was over.) For about 9 months, I felt a little silly about having hired her. She did give some great recommendations, but mostly stuff I probably could have found on that swirling, frightening abyss: The Knot. I underutilized her.

In the last month, though, Julie's shown exactly why I hired her. For example, yesterday The Location Lady emailed me to say that we have to decide whether to have the ceremony outside or in the tent by Thursday at 3, because that's when she sets it up. As of right now, the weather forecast is calling for scattered thunderstorms. (Apparently my wishing is less effective all the sudden? I don't know, but I'm not pleased.) Given that, I was resigning myself to a tent wedding, and was kind of upset about it. Julie calls this morning and tells me that she talked to The Location Lady, and that she had told her just to set it up in the tent and that if the sun's shining, she'll move the chairs. WHAT A SIMPLE SOLUTION.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

pomp and circumstance

Well, I graduated from law school yesterday. It sort of went out, as they say, not with a bang, but with a whimper. I guess most phases of your life do. So I met a ton of my friends' family members, and I was always "This is Kate. She's the one getting married next week," followed by looks of concern or amazement and "so, are you ready/excited/stressed out about it?"

In short, yes.

I basically blocked all wedding planning out for the last couple days, and have just been doing graduation stuff. By graduation stuff, I mean, for example, drinking a fancy bottle of champagne, getting each of my parents to take me to a different fancy restaurant (divorce = TWO CHRISTMASES!), teaching my dad flip cup, oh know, graduating.

But graduation's over now. I am a law school graduate. (Or at least I will be in a month when grades come back and they can certify that I did, indeed, graduate.) And that means facing facts: the wedding is in six days. IT'S ON.

Somehow, despite the fact that the Mister and I have been engaged for well over two years, the fact that it's six days away is CRAZYTOWN.

Good news: while the ten day forecast 4 days ago was calling for showers on the wedding day, the new forecast calls for a high of 80, low of 60, partly sunny. In short: my ideal day. Or as The Fucking Weather would say "80? IT'S FUCKING NICE." I believe that I can wish for good weather and it will happen. (See, e.g., my trip to the Virgin Islands with the Mister's family. During hurricane season. When the forecast was calling for terrible storms all week. And it barely rained on our first day there and not again after. You're welcome, St. Thomas.) Thus, my time wishing for perfect wedding day weather is paying off.

So, today, I recover from my graduation weekend, make lots of lists of things I MUST REMEMBER TO PACK, nap if I'm lucky, actually pack--inevitably forgetting lots of things, and try to relax. Tomorrow, I hit the road for my hometown and get down to the business of getting married.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

the hub

Here's the problem: I have lots of very nice people willing to help me in this last 10 days. However, I also have a zillion people emailing me to ask me questions or finalize details or whatever. For me to email one of those very nice people to ask them to take care of whatever needs taken care of takes as long as it would take for me to just respond to the original email. Either that or they need some info which, of course, I have and no one else does.

(I spent like 3 minutes trying to make the last clause of that last sentence work with "I'm the only one who has" or "I'm the only haver of" or some such....English grammar is so tricky.)

Anyway, when The Mister and are cutting that cake, and I can look around at all our friends and family--with only the dancing to go--that's when I will enjoy all this wedding business.

Friday, May 1, 2009


I feel like there are a million things to say and yet no creative juice to say them. This week--no, this month has left me tapped out. Hopefully more to come soon. We shall see.

Monday, April 20, 2009

on and on and on

So, I sort of apologize for my lack of regular posting. I only sort of apologize because I've entered what The Mister refers to as "finals freak out mode" and what could be referred to as "wedding freak out mode" and thus, this blog isn't exactly high on my priority list. Sorry, suckers.

The poll on my sailor's mouth has closed. The vote was 10-1 in favor of "Who gives a shit?" and as it turns out, the 1 "My sensitive ears!" vote was by my bridesmaid who-direct quote here- "thought it was funny." So apparently no one is offended and I will continue to curse with abandon.

My shower was this weekend. It was lovely. Lots of people came who I thought wouldn't, and a few people didn't who I thought would. I guess that's how it always goes. I was so happy to see everyone that I almost didn't notice how exhausting it is to be the center of attention all that time. But seriously, it was very touching to me how many great women there are in my life and how they all are so excited about my marrying The Mister.

We also met with the caterer, the location lady, and the wedding planner. There was a lot of "what should we do about x?" followed by the three of them discussing, turning to me and the Mister for a response and us saying something like "uuuh...whatever you think?" and their agreeing that that whatever they decided what the right choice. In short: exactly what we needed. I was sort of feeling silly about hiring a wedding planner given that a lot of the stuff I did on my own, but I will say in that hour she more than made it all worth it.

I also had my second (and final!) dress fitting. It turns out my shoulders are uneven. So that's good to know, in case I ever wanted to be self-conscious about something new.

P.S. Has anyone seen a guestbook idea that they love? And that wouldn't be ridiculously pricey? Your help is much appreciated.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

fraying around the edges

Well, the RSVPs just keep coming. So far: 62 yes, 17 no, and 41 not yet replieds. (This breakdown despite the fact that they were due today. Not one of member of my mom's side of the family has sent in the card. Seriously? It's not that hard people. You write your name and how many people are in your party. Then you put it in the envelope and into the mailbox. NOT THAT HARD.) Anyway, it's actually great because it makes me really excited to come home and check the mail. Who might have responded today?? Will any gifts have arrived? (Nevermind the fact that I know exactly which gifts have been purchased off the registry seeing as I check it compulsively. It's still exciting to get boxes.)

Unfortunately, my level of excitement about wedding planning generally is way lower than my level of excitement about the mail coming everyday. In fact, I find myself ready to have a nervous breakdown just thinking about surviving the next month. Why did I schedule my own wedding one week after law school ends? Why do I hate myself so? Anyway, I am basically unable to think about anything wedding-related because my coping mechanism with being as stressed out and frazzled as I am is the oh-so-helpful "if I don't think about it, it's not happening" technique. Otherwise known as The Ostrich Strategy. It may not be helpful, but at least I'm not crying in the law school computer lab right now. Yet.

Monday, April 6, 2009

return to the living

Well, friends, I am now well enough to leave my apartment! This is a serious improvement, given that until today I had literally left my apartment only once in the last week: to go to the doctor. And it wasn't until this weekend that I even felt well enough to relocate from the bed to the couch. The flu sucks.

So anyway, it occurs to me that I feel like I should be doing a million wedding-related things, and I have no idea what any of those things might be. I am sure that a good bride-to-be would be making lists and checking things off those lists, and furiously sending emails to various people. I, however, am mostly just waiting for it all to be over.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


I have the flu. I think. I finally went to the doctor today and they drew some blood and did a throat swab to rule out some other stuff, but I'm pretty sure it's the flu. Whatever it is, it's miserable.

Also, my computer seems to have some sort of crazy virus. And I can't get Spybot or AdAware to run--part of the virus? Sigh. I'm going to have to wait to get my strength back to deal with it.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

liked it, put ring on it

I'm back. I'm exhausted, but otherwise unscathed. I have to say, I'm a lucky girl in that I not only have a fantastic husband-elect, but I also have some fantastic friends. Fantastic friends (and a sister) who will travel across a few states and into the arctic tundra that was Chicago this weekend, and whose idea of "flair ware" includes a tiara and awesomely cartoonish light-up "diamond" ring and tiara, but not a penis necklace or cake in sight. (Plus, those broads use the term "flair ware." Seriously.)

And because MMC is not only a star RSVP-er, but also a fantastic photographer, I can bring you these:

The ring:

The "groom" of these totally hilarious/amazing bottle costumes. Unfortunately, I don't have a great shot of the "bride"--complete with veil, but suffice it to say I nearly lost my shit at the dinner table when the wine bottles were outfitted.

Frankly, nothing too crazy happened. I don't know if that makes mine the best bachelorette party ever or the lamest. I'm going with best.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

last fling before the ring

I am sitting here waiting for my friends to arrive for us to embark upon my bachelorette party. Last night at Law School Prom someone let it slip that there is in fact a flag for the car which reads "last fling before the ring." I can only imagine what this means about the other "flair ware." Law Prom was also a great success--fun, boozy, everyone looked good, everyone thought I looked good--what more can a girl ask for?

Anyhow, I guess I should get dressed. Bachelorette partying probably requires something other than sweats.

Friday, March 27, 2009

aaaand we're off

The first RSVP card arrived today!! Congratulations to MMC for getting her reply back in a staggering 45 hours after they were sent! Well done, MMC and the USPS!

Did I put the RSVP card on the refrigerator? What's it to you?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

they're out there

INVITATIONS HAVE GONE OUT. I am pleased as punch to have that done. Now just waiting for the flood of little bitty RSVP envelopes to arrive in my mailbox.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

love angel music baby

So things have certainly calmed down since last week "shit on my face" as I believe I so eloquently stated last time. I mean, it's not like I got phone calls from my future mother in law, friend with health scare, and employer all saying "JK! GOTCHA!" but I also haven't had anything else happen. And I'm chalking that up as a big ol' victory. Also, I finally had a couple of good workouts. In a row! (Like this morning, when I ran to Gwen Stefani and STILL HAVE THAT FRENCHING HARAJUKU NONSENSE STUCK IN MY HEAD.)

We also recieved our second wedding gift! And the first from our registry! (My grandmother previously sent us our knives, but bought them off a discount retailer's website, so it didn't show up in that oh-so-satisfying "Needs: 0 Recieved: 1" kind of way on the Bed, Bath, and Beyond website.)

I also recieved an invitation to my bridal shower. I don't fully understand the multiple showers thing. No, that's not true. I understand having a work shower and a regular shower. I understand having one shower in New York and one in California. I do not understand having multiple showers in the same city, really. I mean, can your fiance's aunts really not mingle with your aunts? It seems silly. Particularly when, like me, you have to travel in for each shower. So I told all interested parties to get it together because I'm only showing up for one of these shindigs. Only I tried to sound nicer and more appreciative that anyone would want to hold such a shindig in my honor.

Anyway, the invitations for said event arrived this week, and let me say this. It is clear that I did not have anything to do with the picking of these invitations. Which is fine. Actually, it's sort of inadvertently hilarious, I think. They are teal with a sort of pink and cream tea party scene happening on them. Then the lady who is (unbelievably graciously) hosting the shower and her daughter personalized them with a glitter pen and a heart-shaped punch. Seriously. Very sweet. Very....very. My sister has been helping this lady plan and I sort of thought she'd have a little input on the invites, so when I recieved them, I didn't want to say anything to her right away. Instead, I emailed both the co-planners to say I had recieved it, it was "cute," how excited I was and thanking them for planning the whole deal. You know, being polite. It's this weird thing I try sometimes. The following gchat transpired:

Chris: so
i didnt pick the invitation
can you tell? i think you probably can
me: hahahahaha
I thought about blogging about it
but decided to hold off until we had that exact conversation
Chris: yeah go for it
i got your email and i was like, phew
its cute
then i got the mail
me: haha
Chris: i mean
me: yeah, it's pretty awful
Chris: its fine
its fine
it gets the point across
its fine

So there you have it, folks. Fine.

Also, today my other bridesmaid and I shopped for literally like 7 hours and went to two malls and two free-standing shoe stores. At the second mall, about 6 1/2 hours in, I finally found a pair of shoes to wear to the rehearsal dinner (and, incidentally, with my rehearsal dinner dress to the Law School Prom--yes, that's a thing, because law school is as much like high school as it possibly could be--this Friday) so I am psyched.

And because I haven't posted photos in a coon's age, here's the dress:

and the accompanying shoes (which I think look more light/true red in person):

Cute, right? (Feel free to comment if the answer is "yes" and if not, feel free to keep your damn mouth shut.)

P.S. Thanks for voting in the poll over to the right, 5 voters. I am glad I have not offended you. Yet.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

when is this week over???

This should be the best week of the year so far. Springtime has more or less come, and one day I got to wear a skirt! With no tights! The sun shined (sometimes)! St. Patrick's Day was Tuesday, and as someone with some Irish heritage, reddish hair (i.e., looks good in green), and a love of beer green or otherwise, I LOVE that holiday. And it's March Madness. I LOVE March Madness. And yet somehow, this week shit all over me.

Monday I already posted about. It sucked.

Tuesday, the Mister called his mother and gave her the "it's not going to happen speech" which she did not take well. According to her, this wedding is "not just about [us]" and we don't care about her feelings. There's a whole other shitshow of things that were said during and after that conversation that are just CRAZYTOWN but I can't even think about them right now. Suffice it to say, though I am getting my way here, there were many tears shed by at least the two ladies in this fight and though our relationship may be fine, there are definitely a lot of hurt feelings hanging around.

Oh, also Tuesday, I learned about a good friend of mine's health scare. And it's, you know, scary.

Wednesday night I baked cookies rather than deal with feelings. It was only mildly effective.

This morning, I woke up and went to the gym (I know, go me, right?). I had a terrible work out. Terrible. To the point that I felt like I might as well not work out any more because clearly this is not getting any easier or getting me more in shape and I'm destined to be fat and sad forever. I come home and fire up the laptop to check my email and what's the first thing in my inbox, timestamped 9PM Wednesday night? An email from the cochair of the hiring committee of the law firm where I'll be working saying "Are you available for a phone conversation tomorrow [now today since I didn't check email last night]? Please let me know what times will work for you."

For those of you who have been living under a rock, the economy BLOWS right now. For those who don't follow the legal market as it relates to this shitty economy, let me just direct you to this: which is not for the faint of heart (I can't read it anymore.) In fact, it's in part because I can't read it anymore that I hadn't heard that my firm laid a bunch of people off last month. But I did of course know that firms are laying people off, delaying start dates, rescinding job offers to 3Ls (third year law students, like myself, who are about to graduate and expected to be starting in September). It's tough out there for a pimp. Or a JD.

Anyway, so back to the email this morning. I (obviously) freak the fuck out. Wouldn't you? Aren't you almost panicked reading this? (Unless you know the ending already.) I email the guy, Bob, back to tell him I have a class at 3:30 but otherwise am available to take a call. He emails back to say he'll call me by 1. Fine, I think. 3 hours of the knot in my stomach. I can handle that. 1 comes and goes. At 1:30, I email back to ask if I should still be expecting a call. He emails back quickly to say he'll call within 10 minutes. 30 minutes later, finally, the phone rings.

Bob and I exchange pleasantries. Then he gets down to brass tacks. There have been layoffs. The executive committee met last night and decided to delay my start date to January 2010 and cut my salary by nearly 15%. They also decided to rescind the offers to some of the other 3Ls in my class.

So, I still have a job. And I still have a high-paying job, frankly. It could be a LOT worse. But I also have to start making (LARGE) loan repayments about 3 months before I'll ever see a reduced paycheck. I have to find a place to live (and presumably pay for that place) for about 6 months before. Oh, and I have to pay for a wedding in the meantime. Awesome.

Monday, March 16, 2009

spitting fire

I’m so mad I almost can’t write this post. Almost.

I have often read accounts of other brides being forced to invite people by their parents or their in-laws and pitied said brides. I've often thought how lucky I am to have such an understanding family and future in-laws, unlike those poor, wretched souls. I should have known this would come back to bite me.

Two years ago (yes, literally), when the Mister and I first assembled our tentative guest list, I asked both sets of parents if there was anyone in particular they insisted we invite that we might not think of. I was told there surely wasn’t, and that however we wanted to do it was fine.

We made a big deal out of trying to keep it as small as possible, but still including all the really important people in our lives. (If it were just up to me, it’d be me, the Mister, and our immediate families on some deserted island. The Mister has a big family and they’re close, though, and so we decided to do it close to home and invite all of them. And I’m pleased we did.)

But so apparently The Mister’s Mom took this directive as “FAMILY ONLY, NO BLOOD RELATION, NO CARE,” which it wasn’t. When we said something about The Mister’s cousin’s live-in boyfriend (they’ve been dating for about 6 years or something, and he comes to all the family functions, and as far as I’m concerned, they might as well be married) being invited, she sort of flipped out. She was concerned that she had been spreading the wrong message to the family (which she had) and implied that this was my fault (which it wasn't). In order to placate her, I assured her I’d send her the guest list so she could see what we were thinking and let us know if we had somehow missed someone important. I should have known what I was really saying was “PLEASE, UNIVERSE, SMITE ME.”

She called the Mister the afternoon I sent her the guest list to discuss three people she was concerned we’d left off. Two were a couple that the Mister’s parents are friends with, and I’ve literally never met. One was a creepy dude who comes to the big camping trip the Mister’s extended family does every Memorial Day. I guess he’s a family friend, but he seriously skeezes me out. And if there’s something I don’t want to be on my fucking wedding day, it’s skeezed out. Regardless, she began pointing out people on the list who she didn’t think were as worthy of an invitation as these three (all our friends, natch). The Mister politely informed her that the people on the list were close to us, and her suggested additional invitees were not, and, furthermore, should we have room for three more people, there are many people closer to us than they that would be next on the list. However, we didn’t want to invite three more people at all because, as I mentioned earlier, we are trying to keep it as small as possible.

In fact, I had a full discussion with the Mister’s Mom a few months ago about the importance to me of keeping it small, and how this strong desire was not just money-related (though obviously that’s a constraining factor too). I want to know and love every single person there. I want to be able to talk to everyone. I want it to feel like a party and not some kind of business meeting. I want there to be a NO RANDOMS ALLOWED policy. And, frankly, I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Not even a little bit. Particularly when I’m paying for the fucking thing. But even if I weren’t.

Cut to this morning. At 8 AM, the Mister received an email from his mother which says:

Your father and I have talked extensively about the guest list that you sent us. I know that you do not feel compelled to follow the standards of common etiquette, but being old, I feel the need to. Because the wedding is so close to home, there are a few people that we need to invite. If the wedding were in Oshkosh, we could get away with not inviting. I checked the [wedding venue] and see that the tent will hold up to 250 people for a dinner, so space should not be an issue. We will be more than happy to pay for these additional guests. If you need additional to also cover the extra invitations, we will be happy to cover that also.

[She then lists 8 additional guests and their mailing addresses, including the couple she wanted to invite over a month ago, but not including the creepy dude. I have not met a single one of them. The Mister hasn’t met at least 2 of them. She then suggests seating arrangements for these guests and closes with…]

I am trying to live with your guidelines of keeping it small so you all can get around to talk to everyone. You do not have to feel compelled to talk to these people, that is our job. We will be happy to entertain them.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I threw what could charitably be referred to as a temper tantrum about it this morning, making the Mister (who is actually on my side here) mad at me. There are so many things about this that INFURIATE ME. Not the least of which is that apparently I do not feel compelled to “follow the standards of common etiquette.” Oh, and that she doesn’t care at all about what I want for my wedding day. Oh, and that she’s pulling this shit exactly 2 months before the wedding (when the invitations, by the way, have already been printed). Oh, and that she suggests that instead of getting to talk to all the guests like we wanted, we just not do that. Oh, and that insists that they “need” to invite these people WHO I’VE NEVER FUCKING MET. No. That is not a need. That is a want. And that is also not. going. to. happen.

Friday, March 13, 2009

out of the closet, into the light

So last week I posted a comment on a "real life" friend's blog (the always hilarious bruns) without even thinking about it. As soon as it posted, however, I realize: I've outed myself. Bruns and our many other friends who read it have now discovered I have a blog. And not just a blog. A fucking wedding blog. It's humiliating. But nonetheless, welcome friends. I guess I should be pleased to no longer be living a lie.

In the spirit of confessions, I have another. I have been tanning. Not a lot. Like, once a week for 8 minutes in the lowest-level bed Tanfastic (yes, it's really called Tanfastic) has to offer. I have only two things to say about this: (1)I actually do believe I have seasonal affective disorder, and this has genuinely improved my mood, and made a couple spots of psoriasis I have notably improved. (2) Fuck all y'all, it's my wedding. If I don't want to look like the corpse bride, I'm not going to. If that means going to the trashiest establishment in town and slinking out like I just stole something, hoping not to run into anyone I know, SO BE IT. At least I'm not getting acrylic nails and blonde highlights. FOR NOW.

Sunday, March 8, 2009


I have decided I hate wedding blogs. That's an overstatement. I have decided I am sick of most wedding blogs. I still love the individual brides blogging about their interesting or personal details of their own up-coming or recently-passed weddings. What I hate are the big, pretty conglomerate sites with their gorgeous (though frankly, after a while, totally indistinguishable) photos and supposedly helpful tips. You are not helpful. You are not inspirational. You are irritating to me right now.

This is the post that threw me over the edge. Here are my thoughts, as I'm reading the post...

1. Hey, her name is Kate! Awesome!
2. Oh, and her fiance is a law student! So she knows law school sucks!
3. Wait, "the trick to this whole planning thing for me has been including him without interrupting his vital study time"? Seriously? Ooookay.
4. She's referring to her fiance as Superman? Is that what I'm to understand?
5. I'm just going to post the rest of the article in its entirety because it is so mind-blowing/numbing:

In an effort to give Superman a choice, I researched around 75 bakeries and narrowed it down to 40, then presented him with those options. He was overwhelmed and I translated that as disinterest. He became frustrated and after some thoughtful discussion, he said something brilliant.

"We can’t do everything. We have to pick what’s best. Best for us; Best for our wedding, yes, but best for our time and schedules.”

This outlook was new to me and oh so very helpful in the many discussions since. I just have to keep in mind that sometimes, protecting our stress levels and schedules is just as much a design decision as protecting our need to have the best baker in the city.

The stress of planning a wedding can be compounded by so many everyday requirements. I’m glad to be planning a wedding that reflects where we are right now, with all the challenges and difficulty this time includes. Will it reflect a couple who had hours and hours to call every baker in town? No. It will reflect a couple who made stylish choices in the face of other responsibilities and pursuits. I hope, and oh how I know it will reflect a couple deep enough in love to withstand a 2000 mile separation. A couple prepared for a lifetime of obstacles and happiness.

She asks whether her wedding will reflect a couple who had hours and hours to call every baker in town, and then says it won't. Well, somehow she found the hours and hours necessary to call or otherwise research SEVENTY FRENCHING FIVE BAKERS and then narrow them down to FORTY and was pissy when her Superman couldn't find time to call each one and find the best of them all. She thinks it's a revelation when her Superman tells her they need to do what's best for them?! Really?

Anyway, I shouldn't be so harsh on this poor Kate. It's not her. It's me. I've been reading these blogs for much too long now and it's posts like this one--every day, posts like this one--that have rotted my brain.

These posts aren't even as bad as the others like "We have THE LOVELIEST WEDDING OF ALL TIME to show you" with photos (where the photographer certainly cost over $5,000) of things like huge centerpieces I can tell you definitely cost over $100 a piece with little notes saying things like "the bride wanted all her guests to feel welcome, so she wrote them each an individual note telling them how happy she was that they came all the way to Timbuktu for her wedding." Subtext: why aren't you writing individual notes to your guests, you lazy, ungrateful woman? "The bride is a graphic designer, so she designed her own amazing, letterpress invites (at half the cost!)" Half of a zillion dollars is still a half-zillion dollars, but the subtext? Why can't you be crafy enough to do things for your wedding too, lazy? Or why can't you just suck it up and spend the money on pretty invitations--you really need to have them. "The bride wanted to save money on the dress, but as soon as she put on this Vera Wang gown, she knew it was The One, so she just had her friend the tailor make her a reproduction." Subtext: I need new friends, apparently.

I will probably come back and edit this post to be somewhat more coherent when I'm in less of a wedding fatigue-induced rage. But until then, let me say this: "style me pretty" doesn't even make sense. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHY WOULD YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

springtime, please

I got back from my lovely San Francisco trip Monday and have been mostly worthless since then. Seriously. I have skipped half of my classes this week, done very little of my reading, generally failed to study for the ethics portion of the bar exam which I have to take on Saturday, and hadn't worked out until this morning. I think I'm experiencing some serious end-of-winter ennui, coupled with a bad case of senioritis. Too bad spring won't come to the frozen arctic wasteland I'm currently stuck in for another 2 months or so, and I still need to, you know, graduate.

So the invitations lady sent more paper samples. I still don't like them. (Seriously, is emerald really that weird?) But you know what else I don't like? Not having them done. So I just went with it. Whatever. Ideally, I'd like for invitations to go out next weekend, so you know, no time for pussy-footing around.

And the officiant lady emailed me to be like "so...about that wedding thing..." and I emailed her back to be like "yeah, we should do that." So I guess that's done.

The other day I was talking to the Mister, and he said something to the effect of "I really can't wait until this wedding planning stuff is over." Which I wholeheartedly agree with, but I also wonder what the hell I'll obsess over next. Also, wtf? He's ready for it to be over? As though he's been doing a lot of the planning? Though maybe it's more of a commentary on life with me through the process...

Monday, February 23, 2009

soon as I settle, I better be able to move on

So this weekend, the Mister and I headed back to the city where we're getting married for wall-to-wall wedding action. It was so exhausting that, even though it's well after noon, I'm still laying in my pajamas in my bed.

First, we met with a possible officiant. This woman was, how shall I say, weird. She seemed perfectly nice, but she also is clearly a crazy cat lady, you know? I also don't know how the hell we could find someone else at this point, and I feel confident that if we scripted everything out she'd do it just how we want, so how much does it matter? The Mister and I both left sort of feeling blah--we'd hoped that we'd have some sort of "connection" for lack of a better word (and for the infection of Rock of Love into my brain) and we didn't. We're up against the wall as far as time and distance, so we'll probably just hire her. Settle number one.

Second, we had our first caterer's tasting. The food was delicious, so I am quite pleased. But we had asked last-minute to change the potatoes, and that wasn't reflected (though the old-style potatoes were pretty good). Also, we didn't get to taste the bread or the appetizers. Whatever, I'm settling.

Third, I had my first dress fitting. The alterations man (seamster?) is fantastic. He clearly knows what he's doing, but he also just just fun and entertaining. Also, I've been working out a lot and eating reasonably well (until this weekend, where I was sick and back home---so of course I couldn't work out or eat anything except the MOST disgusting foods imaginable) so the dress fits SO much better than it did last time I tried it on, before Thanksgiving. So that went well, until he started pinning my bustle. My dress has a fair amount of stuff going on, and it turns out, when you want that stuff to not be on the floor, it looks slightly odd. As in, WOW, that's a lot of fabric. On my ass. Awesome. He tried a couple different things, but you know, there's only so much you can do. It looks like you're hiking your dress up because YOU'RE HIKING YOUR DRESS UP. Sigh. Settle number three.

Fourth, we went to the tux place. Here, we did not settle. (I need to put in a plug here for family-owned and operated businesses. We ended up going to two locations of the same store and being waiting on two different guys whose names were on the door and nowhere else in the wedding industry have I been so well-taken care of.) In fact, the Mister ended up getting such a good deal on a tux, he bought one (or should I say, his mother bought it for him. I think she was just so pleased to be invited along, she started dropping plastic). And let me tell you, if you have never seen the very tall, very dashing, freckle-faced young Aryan man you love in a tuxedo, you are missing out on one of the great pleasures in life. I know he felt a little silly, what with his mom and me watching him, but man...ladies go crazy for a sharp-dressed man.

Finally, I had hoped to meet up with the invitations lady. It didn't happen. I wanted to go to a paper store with her because we're still having what I will term "communications issues" about what emerald green means. Since last time we talked about paper it took me 2 months to see anything, and the invites need to go out in three weeks, I decided--you guessed it--to settle for a color that wasn't quite right. I emailed the inivitations lady to tell her as much, and she says that she got some more samples and is sending them to me today. Fingers crossed this means that my custom invites are know, what I wanted.

I must say, I am really looking forward to the day when we can go home...just to go home. (AND WHEN WE DO, WE'LL BE TOTALLY MARRIED. Weird.)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

guess what I'm wearing right now?

If you guessed lingerie, you're not only creepy, but you don't know me that well! If you guessed a veil, you're not only creepy, but right!

I was talking to my alterations man, and he said I should bring my veil with me, which reminded me that I hadn't yet bought one. I knew I wanted one, but just hadn't gotten around to buying one...the ones in bridal stores are so crazy-expensive! I finally just decided to go on and buy a cheapie. Less than $10 on eBay! (Also, my first eBay purchase ever. Yes really. I know, I'm living in like 1996.) It's a little fuller than I had anticipated at the crown, but I think once I get it situated and I'm wearing it with something other than an H&M sweater and jeans (you know, like a white gown) it's going to be awesome.

I LOVE the look of birdcage veils...on other brides. For some reason, I just look like a little girl playing dress up or something. Plus, I'm not entirely convinced it would look right with my dress, which is more Gatsby-era than Garbo-era vintage looking, I think. Plus, there's something sort of ethereally pretty about a traditional lighter-than-air veil. Or at least I think so. As I sit here, blogging and wearing it. That's not weird, right?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

what's done is done

So after much back and forth, I decided to show my mom the dress I showed you all a few days ago. My sister/MOH was mildly horrified that that wasn't step one. Here's why it wasn't step one: I showed it to her, and literally within 30 seconds she had ordered it. I wanted to be sure.

Thanks to all of you for reassuring me that we can make it look more happily festive with colorful accessories. (I also think the tea length and poofiness help.) Special thanks to Melissa for telling me how to, you know, be a real blogger and add a gadget. Next time. Next time.

And because I forgot to credit the photo last time, here's a link to where you too, can be the owner of said dress.

Monday, February 2, 2009

what is this, a funeral?

I wish I knew how to post a poll, because this a poll post. The question is, the mother of the bride wearing black: no big deal or kinda funereal? Specifically, what do we think of this dress--

Let me know in the comments. Please.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

105 days

We're almost at the 100 day mark. That's frightening. I mean, it shouldn't be, because we've been engaged now for over two years. But it is anyway.

So about the Great Family Musician Debacle: my cousin emailed me back with a very sweet, very long email explaining that he would not be able to play at my wedding because he will not be able to come to my wedding. Apparently he and his wife scheduled a family vacation for that week and it's nonrefundable and whatever. I'm obviously bummed about it, but you know, that's how it goes. Plus that puts us two people closer to hitting the "under 100 guests" mark! Bright side, I shall find you!

The Mister and I are planning to go home over the first weekend of my spring break, so we should have plenty of wedding-planning frenzy to report on then. (As an aside, my "spring" break is in February. It's nonsense. In fact, the university doesn't even believe it themselves, and it's technically termed "Winter Break." Lame. Regardless, I'm going to San Fransciso for a few days--my first trip to the west coast!--so if you have a list of must-see attractions, or don't-bother tourist traps, leave them in the comments. Pretty please.) However, until then, I'm in sort of a lull: I've got the big pieces in place, but the little stuff is still too far out to deal with.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

epic fail: mission ask for help

So, my cousin will not be playing at my wedding. Deets to follow.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

help, I need somebody

I have trouble asking for favors, generally. Unless it's someone I'm really close to and who I do favors for pretty regularly, I just try to avoid it. This is a big part of why I'm doing so much of the wedding stuff either on my own or through the help of paid vendors.

That being said, my uncle and cousin are both musicians. They both play guitar, my uncle plays the mandolin, and they both sing. They play in bands, but mostly I know them for playing Christmas carols at our family Christmas or sing-alongs at the summer family reunion. Oh, and they're good. So I really would like for them to play at the wedding rather than some random musician I find through The Knot or something. But that means I have to ask them to play at the wedding, and that is hard.

I was going to ask at Thanksgiving. But then I got sick and lost my voice completely.

I was going to ask at Christmas. But then I got sick and slept through 90% of Christmas day. (Are we seeing a theme? Maybe I need more Vitamin C.)

But more than being sick, I also was just a big ol' chicken shit. So today, finally, I emailed them. I'll let you know what they say.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

invitation madness

My invitations lady is having trouble finding the right shade of green for my invitations. Siiiigh. Apparently neither of her regular paper suppliers have anything that's right and so now she has to order online and blah blah blah. Seriously, I didn't think emerald green was that hard. However, apparently what I think is "emerald" is actually lighter/brigher than true emerald, which the paper industry seems to think is something like "shiny hunter green." Here's the bridesmaids' dress:

Am I wrong? Isn't that "emerald"? Have I been misnaming my oh-so-vital "wedding colors" all this time?

Also, she just sent me a mock-up of what it might look like. I was so excited about them when we designed them, which has been nearly a month ago now, and now I'm feeling...ambivalent. The Mister says they're "fine" but doesn't like that the response card has M______________ where the recipient writes in his/her name. I told him that was standard and I'm still not sure he believed me. I have been trying to figure out how to edit the invitation (it's in PDF) form so as not to have my last name plastered all over the interwebs to no avail.

Edited: WAIT, success??!

So, what do you think? I promise it looks better with our names and the address written in there, and if you ask real nice and I don't think you're a crazy person, I might just email it to you unedited.

Also, yes, I know the wording is wonky. I will not be inviting people to attend my marriage--I will be inviting them to my wedding. Hopefully our marriage will be long, and have at least a few private moments.


I really apologize for my lack of posting. I hate it when my blogs I read do that, and here I've gone and done it to you. This is for a number of reasons:

1. Classes started. The beginning of any new semester is sort of insane, and this one in particular because I'm taking a condensed class that meets for 3 hours every evening for the next week and a half. Once it's over, I expect to have a lot more time on my hands.

2. I was out of town this weekend for my brother's bar mitzvah. When I tell this to people who know me and not my crazy family situation, the immediate reaction is always "wait...are you Jewish?" This reaction is not surprising, given that I look pretty Irish and have a sort of generically British sounding last name. The answer is that no, I am not Jewish. To be fully accurate, he's my half-brother, and his mother is Jewish. It was my first bar mitzvah, and I got to stand up on the bima? Bimah? Beemah? Someone help a goy out. Anyway, it was a good time and made me very, very glad to no longer be 13. I'm awkward enough over 10 years later.

On a quasi-related wedding-related note, is it weird to have a chuppah if you're not Jewish? Because I think they're lovely. And the symbolism (your new home/life together) is not too shabby either.

Also, I sort of love Ketubahs. Maybe I should just convert (Side note: serious debate between The Mister and myself this weekend--can you convert from no religion to a religion? Or is "convert" not the right word there?). But seriously--look at a few of these. So lovely, and I like the idea of the marriage being a contract.

3. I've been swept up in Obama fever. Did you watch? Were you riveted? If you haven't already, you must watch Beyonce singing "At Last" for the Obamas' first dance. I am not always a huge Beyonce fan ("Single Ladies" and some of the early Destiny's Child like "Jumpin', Jumpin'" or "Bills, Bills, Bills" notwithstanding) but this was some of her best work. And the Obamas are, of course, fantastic. Mister, if you're out there: this is what a slow dance should look like. I'm having trouble finding the video right now (it was just on about an hour or two ago) but it should be widely available soon.

I promise a new post about wedding stuff. And soon!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Bride Wars

So, by now, if you're on the internet (and you are) you've probably seen an ad or read a review of Bride Wars, the new film starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway. Here's a confession: I love Anne Hathaway, and I even like Kate Hudson. And I love stupid comedies. And I am primed to love wedding movies right now, what with wedding planning consuming an embarassingly large portion of my brain right now. And yet, I refuse to see this movie. I flat out refuse.

Most of the reasons for my one-woman boycott are summed up in Jezebel's recent post on the subject. (As is so often the case, Jez says it best.)

I will confess that, at times, wedding planning has made me a little bit of a "crazy bride." What it has not done, could not do, is make me into a totally different person. A bad person. Which is what it seems that Hollywood believes or at least wants us to believe. And I refuse to support another movie which perpetuates the myth.

I've seen a couple interviews with Kate Hudson promoting the movie, and she has mentioned that she was also the producer of the movie, and that it took her five years to get the movie made because "it was hard to make a movie about two women being petty and catty also sentimental." It seems to me that this should have been a red flag. Why, oh why, must movies aimed at women so often also show women as creatures who are (1) catty and petty, (2) obsessed with men/have nothing to say other than about men, or (3) you know, just plain crazy. WE ARE NOT ALL LIKE THAT. Frankly, most of us aren't.

If you're on the fence about seeing the movie, and my mild tirade hasn't dissuaded you, perhaps a compilation of the critical pans will. (Also from Jez, because really, what else do I read?)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

What's in a name?

Name changes are like the third rail of feminist brides, like myself. Stating an opinion on the subject opens you up to all sorts of nasty comments from those on both sides, when it seems to me that of all things a name is, well, personal. Thus, I will share my opinion with you in the hopes that you will realize that this is what's right for me and that I'm not preachy (or at least, not intentionally so).

I will be changing my name. Or I guess more accurately, I will be adding the Mister's last name to my own. I am one of those with a short enough name that I often get called by both--you know, like your friend Jenny Liu everyone calls JennyLiu all the time and if you called her "Jenny" she'd barely know who you were talking to? Anyway, so using that example, I'd be becoming Jenny Liu Mister, dropping my middle name (It's Anne. Yes, that's exactly how creative my parents were. Katherine Anne. There were only about 9343284239483944 of us born in the '80s.), and using all 3 names in most cases.

Why am I doing this? In the first place, because it's really important to The Mister that we have "a family name." The Mister is, among other things, a traditionalist in a lot of ways. I know when hearing "traditional," a lot of feminists hear "mysoginist" but I at least choose to hear it differently. It's not about my becoming his property, it's an outward reflection of our reality--that we are a family.

The Mister actually first mentioned his desire for a family name to me when we first started dating, and we were like 18 and 19 and had been dating only a couple months. (As I recall the conversation, it was in no way creepy, it was more hypothetical than anything.) And my response then, and still today, was that if I were established in my career there's no way I would change my name. If I was young, just out of school, it was important to my future husband, and his last name didn't suck (it doesn't), then I would consider it.

So I guess what we have here is a perfect storm of name changing factors.

We didn't discuss the possibility of The Mister's taking my last name. I don't exactly know why we didn't--maybe this makes me a bad feminist--but we just didn't. Neither one of us is keen on hyphenation either, so that wasn't a real option, but the Mister did suggest that he take my last name as his middle. So we'll have two matching names. I don't know why that made me feel so warm and fuzzy, but it did.

Anyway, for those of you who know me in real life (or at least on facebook, which passes for real enough these days), don't be shocked when you see my name get one name longer in May.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

it's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

So, here it is: 2009. This will be a big year for me, what with becoming a married lady in May, graduating law school in that same month, moving to Chicago later in the summer to start a real lawyer-job, and hopefully buying a house (please financing, loosen up!) and turning 25 so's I can rent cars willy-nilly. Okay the last one's not so big. But I mean, I'm going to go from a student, living like a student, to a married lawyer (hopefully) homeowner. That's a big year.

Anyway, now a story about the end of 2008. My grandmother was reviewing our registry (our registry which I have slaved over and over and over) to decide what she would get for us, and she noticed we had registered for Calphalon knives (made in Japan). She seemed concerned, because she knew that German knives are the sort of industry standard, and she said she wanted to talk to my uncle who cooks a lot about it. She spoke to him and called me later to confirm that he said that German knives are really the way to go but then cautioned "I mean, I don't know. The Japanese really are always cutting things." (Her logic is unassailable.)

Anyway, after much research and stress, I have decided to change the registry and go with the German knives, in large part because the Japanese knives, while sharper and maintaining sharpness longer (good!) tend to rust if not washed and dried immediately after use. Several of the reviews I read mentioned that they had cut something, put the knife in the sink, and when they came back at the end of the meal to find their expensive Japanese knife rusted. Not cool. I mean, I can take care of nice things, but seriously, that's just too much.

So as I'm doing this research I ask the Mister to help me look at knife reviews and he responds "I'm not sure I have any special insight here." Which I of course interpret as "I don't have access to special information, it's the same interwebs I would use. You should do all the research and plan the entire wedding all by yourself with no help from me or anyone even when it's something stupid and gender-neutral and I might actually care about, like knives." This led to a minor wedding-related breakdown where I admitted I'm just stressed out about this whole wedding. The Mister helpfully asked what I was stressed out about and I was able to make this list: (1) we have no officiant and no idea on how to find an officiant to do a civil ceremony other than the web, and some of their websites are ATROCIOUS. The Mister agreed this is a valid concern and offered to help me do some research and to make time to go back to Wedding City for us to meet with candidates some time soon. (2) I have no vision for how to decorate the area where we're having both the ceremony and reception. It's a brick patio with a white tent to one side, and it's lovely on its own and we'll have floral centerpieces on the tables, so that's the most of it. Still I feel like I should figure out how to arrange the cake table and where to put the guestbook and whether we should do some kind of pretty lighting (I love those globe paper lanterns) and if we should do an "heirloom table" with pictures of our grandparents on their wedding days and if we need a big floral arrangement with the place cards and if we should do placecards at all our a big seating chart and.... The Mister's response to this concern was basically "wait, didn't we pick this location because it's pretty?" "Yes." "So...isn't it just going to be pretty?" (3) Have we made a huge mistake with the registry? I never would have second guessed our knife choice if my grandmother hadn't mentioned it to us, and then we would have ended up with a bunch of rust balls with very expensive and aesthetically pleasing hilts because that's all I looked at. What if the same thing is true of our plates? Or our food processor? OR ALL OF IT WHAT IF WE DID IT WRONG, ALL WRONG?! The mister's response to this concern was basically "well yeah, but at least we'll be married people with rust balls." Damn him and his level head.

So, now, in the spirit of this day, a few resolutions...

Wedding related resolutions:
1. I will remember the purpose of the day--to have a sweet fucking party for all our friends and family--and not inflate its importance. We're practically married already and we'll be actually married afterward regardless. The rest is gravy.
2. I will ask for help when I need it, specifically from the Mister.
3. I will not let the other pretty blogs and other crazy brides on the Knot freak me out. It is my wedding, it is not a competition.

Non-wedding related resolutions:
1. I will value my health, meaning I will eat mindfully and exercise. I will consider this an investment in my health rather than a means to weight-loss.
2. I will appreciate being a student while it lasts, even if I do hate law school. I will enjoy having so much free time and flexibility in my schedule because it will soon be over.
3. I will do a better job of showing the people in my life how much I love them and how important they are to me.
4. I will not bring "throwaway" items into my house. I will stop buying cheap crap which I will just have to replace soon anyway and instead save up to buy something more worthwhile, substantial, and lasting.