SO HAPPY TO BE GETTING MARRIED

I mean, just look at us. We're jumping for joy.

Edited to add: so our photographer posted some of our engagement photos on her blog. I am pleased.

another marathon begins

Much like the Mister and I had a Thanksgiving Marathon, we're now on day two of our Christmas marathon. Luckily it's a bit more spread out (we have a week down here rather than four days) but still. Thus far: engagement photos and florist meeting; cookie-baking at the future in-law's place, lunch with mom and step-sister. Still to come: meeting with the invitations lady; drinks with a college friend, the Mister's family's neighborhood Christmas party, Christmas with my mom's side, my dad's side, and the Mister's family. It's daunting to say the least. However, as I am done with finals and very nearly done with law school altogether, I am pleased as punch.

The engagement photos went okay, I think. As I've mentioned before, we're not the most photogenic couple of all time. We brought along our precious mutt, and she was on her absolute worst behavior. I mean, seriously, she's often obnoxious, but this was a new low. She fears water, so at least I've never had to worry about her being wet. After a few attempts at getting her in shots, I gave up and was going to tie her to a tree. This involved me letting go of her for a second, and as soon as I did, she jumped in the lake after some ducks. An ice-covered lake. In December. Can't get her to get in Lake Michigan with the other dogs on the dog beach in Chicago, but she'll jump in a below-zero body of water six months later. What a dumbass. So anyway, she spent most of the shoot curled up in the warm car in some towels we luckily brought along. After that, I think it went a little better. We'll see when I get the proofs. I was definitely relieved that we seem to get along well with the photographer. We had never met her, which is always nerve-wracking, but sort of the only thing you can do when you're planning long-distance like we are.

This morning my mom and I met with the florist, who I had also never met. She was pretty fantastic. Probably my favorite wedding vendor thus far. She asked me to send her some photos of stuff I liked, and she seemed to get my vision better than even I do. She was just talking about different stuff she could do, and every time she said anything, it was better and better. At this point, there's not a ton we need to do, but it was so exciting to have someone "validate" what I've been dreaming up. Plus, she likes my other vendors and that's always good to hear independently. I kind of just want to be friends with her, but I feel like that's creepy. And as annoying a bride I can be, I do NOT need to add "creepy" to my list of self-adjectives.

fight the power

So I was reading an article today about Danica McKellar (aka Winnie Cooper of the Wonder Years, and Elsie Snuffin if you're as big a West Wing fan as I am and stuck it out past season 5.). She has her PhD (I think) in math and is otherwise just a crazy-smart super-nerd. She wrote a book called Kiss My Math aimed toward tween girls, to get them to believe that it's okay to be smart and not just boy-crazy. She was on the Today show this morning and explained that "she wanted to put math in terms girls could understand, like boys and popularity." (Then Al Roker told her he would have been more interested in math if his teacher looked like her. Sigh.)

So my internal question is this: can you fight the problem if you're still kind of buying into it?

I am a little conflicted about a lot of wedding planning. On the one hand, I really want to have an amazing gathering for all of our friends and family. And I know people can do that for pennies on the dollar, but you know what? I can't. I don't want to ask my family to cater or do flower arrangements. I don't want to DIY my invitations. Hell, I don't really want to DIY anything. I am not that crafty.

On the other hand, though, I don't want to buy into this idea that you have to have a fancy caterer and flower arrangement and the best invitations. I don't want to, but I totally have.

I read somewhere that the average cost of a wedding in the US these days is somewhere in the neighborhood of $30,000. Particularly in this economy, it's hard not to think about all the "better" places that money could be going. But I guess at the end of the day, I'm only doing this once and I want it to be perfect. We're not extravagant people, and our wedding won't be either, but I have definitely bought into a lot of things that I didn't think I would and I'm not totally comfortable that I have. I guess the uneasiness is probably a good sign--I think if I were spending this much money willy-nilly, someone should probably have stopped me by now.

paper paper paper

So one of the things that going in to this whole thing that I didn't care much about that I now suddenly have strong and irrevocable feelings on is the invitations. Or as they say on the wedding blogs, the Paper. The Paper is an important way to set the tone for your wedding. The Paper gives you an outlet for a recurring motif like a monogram or particular flower. The Paper is very important.

I had never heard of letterpress before I got engaged, but now I apparently have to have it. I had sort of thought I would just go to Kinko's and pick something super simple out of a book and be done with it. Like everything else, this has spiraled into something totally different.

I now have an invitations lady. A whole lady. Just for invitations. Oh, and programs, and seating charts, which I obviously need too. Julie the Wedding Planner says she's just great. (Did I mention I somehow have a wedding planner too?)

Anyway, so I'm meeting with the Invitations Lady next Sunday. The Mister's Mother and I both. (See what I did there? Again?) And that means sometime between now and then I should probably figure out what it is I want out of an invitation. Here's one I like:



I hope the Invitations Lady can work with relatively little guidance. I am not good at guidance.

P.S. RED ALERT: THE MISTER HAS FOUND MY BLOG. I am not good at keeping secrets. Frankly, it's a miracle it lasted as long as it did. Le sigh. Hi, Mister!

I am the luckiest

So I'm one week from freedom, meaning right now I'm mired in...nonsense. But a lot of icky news has come out today--some of which you may have read about in papers or blogs, and some of which is confidential. But most of what I'm talking about centers around women being placed in such awful situations that they have (or at least believe they have) no good choices. Their options are something like let a professor get away with assaulting you or out yourself as a prostitute and ruin your career forever. Anyway, it's the choices these women have that I'm thinking about today as I try to study. And I'm trying to remember that, no matter how much I have a crappy day or have to do things I don't want to (like study, for instance) I am so, so blessed to have, on the whole, a world of great options laying out before me. Suddenly cake or cheesecake doesn't really seem like it should generate any stress at all.

but this was supposed to be fun!

When I got engaged, the number one thing I was looking forward to was registering. It's like shopping, but with other people's money! And you get the fun scan gun! And I can have any kitchen gadget that my heart desires! What could be better?

The Mister and I both love to cook. And we have a pretty well-stocked kitchen because we use it pretty frequently. But we have a lot of low-budget kinds of things, like SHARPSU brand knifes. Literally. The Mister broke one this week. When I asked how, he replied "oh, I tried to cut something." We are waiting for our wedding guests, to paraphrase Beyonce, to upgrade us because damn, knives are expensive.

Anyway, this weekend we went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to begin the registry. We're trying to keep the guest list pretty small, so we decided not to register for fine china. I'd rather have everything we actually desperately need than like 75% of that plus some stuff that we might like to have in a perfect world (like and
). So we decided to keep the registry smallish. But then I worry that it looks like we're angling to get cash (which might be nice, but we're certainly not) so we add some more kitchen gadgets. But then I decide we don't need all that crap (nor have anywhere to put it) so we take a bunch of it off. The process was repeated at Macy's.

All through this process, about 4 different women with the frightening title "Bridal Consultants" hovered around, offering to "help" us pick items. Yes, Melissa, I know that this is a wish list. I'm sure, Bethany, that our guests would LOVE to spend four times as much on dishware for us, but I really don't think that's necessary. And no, Lori, under no circumstances do we need fancy leaded glass wine glasses. You clearly have never had wine with us. It usually ends with The Mister doing "the surfboard" dance, me passed out, and at least one glass broken. I'd prefer if that glass didn't cost $24.

Anyway, it's EXHAUSTING traipsing through these stores and trying to strike a balance between "the world is my oyster, and I want this to last forever" and "that's just absurd." This was what I was most looking forward to, and somehow I left ready to cry. Or nap. Preferably both.

and another thing

I guess I did have a lot of wedding-related crap to post about. Hmm. Who knew.

Anyway, I tried on the dress again at my mom's place over the holiday. It's a lot of dress, which is still a concern for me. But it is a gorgeous lot of dress. It's a little snug and so it pulls a bit in the midsection, so that's problematic, but I think it's totally fixable with an actual commitment to working out or the magic of Tony, my alterations guy. (My lazy self says the latter is more likely.) Of course, even having seen it recently I was still shopping on www.oncewed.com this morning. It's like an illness.

pity post

So I always get mad when my favorite blogs don't update as often as I want them to. Not that I believe this is anyone's favorite blog, but I do feel a sense of obligation to keep updating. Anyway, consider this a pity post, because I have nothing of note to talk about.

That's not entirely true, I suppose. It's just that I've been sick for what feels like a year (and is actually about 11 days) and FINALS are upon us. When I was an undergrad, I actually enjoyed finals period. It meant no classes, and the tests were not hard, so I never studied. FINALS in law school are something completely different. Something ominous. It means no classes, sure, but more than that it means at least 8 straight hours of studying. Day after day. It's even harder this year because I have a job for post-graduation lined up, so the motivation to do well is...well, not real high. Probably why I'm here writing this rather than writing that pesky trademarks outline.

Anyway, I guess I do have at a couple of wedding-related updates. First, apparently the Mister's Mother complained to her niece that she wasn't being included in any wedding decisions. The niece told the Mister, and the Mister told me. Siiiigh. (Also, what is this, 6th grade? She couldn't just tell me?!) It's not that I'm purposefully excluding her, it's just that almost all the decisions made thus far have been made by me, alone, behind this computer, sitting on my couch 250 miles from the Mister's Mother. And frankly, the Mister's Mother is a lovely, helpful woman, but her taste is often...different from my own. Nonetheless, the last thing I want to do is hurt this lovely woman's feelings, so I resolved to include her in what I could.

Second, we have decided on cake. My sister/maid of honor, the Mister, the Mister's Mother (see what I did there?) and I tasted cheesecakes and "regular cakes" over the holiday, and though the regular cake was admittedly quite tasty and moist, the cheesecake was a clear winner. The Mister and I are much bigger fans of cheesecake than regular cake, and this cheesecake was particularly yummy. They decorate 'em up to look like regular cakes with the tiers and whatnot, and we can do different flavors in different layers. I think we're going with plain, raspberry swirl, and turtle. Get excited. I know I am. Excited and hungry. I should go get some breakfast.

The Running of the Brides

So I've mentioned The Running of the Brides here a couple of times here. Or at least once. It feels like more, but I can't find the others to link to them. Whatevs. Anyway, I feel I owe it to you, my loyal band of two readers who weren't there with me, to describe the experience. And, dear readers, it was an experience.

So once a year, Filene's pushes all their regular merchandise to the side and brings in racks and racks full of wedding gowns which were discontinued or otherwise cast off by the bridal salons of the world. The doors open at 8, I think, but brides camp out the night before, waiting in line to get first crack. When the doors open, the women (in "teams," normally designated by hats or t-shirts or some such) run in a frenzy to grab as many dresses as possible. The dresses are not sorted by size or style, so this means they have a ton of dresses, most of which won't work. They then trade their cast-off dresses for other teams cast-offs, trying to get things which fit their needs. Some carry signs like "I NEED A WHITE, STRAPLESS SIZE 2." There are no fitting rooms to be had, so the brides are wearing bike shorts and sports bras, and changing in the aisles, with bridesmaids holding up full length mirrors and saying things like "I don't know, it's a little frumpy."

If you hadn't guessed by now, this is not exactly my style.

So, my bridesmaids and I roll in at about 10. 10 seemed right--the real crazies have either found their dresses and left or given up and left. Either way, they're gone. It also means that the dresses aren't so picked over that there's nothing left. Don't get me wrong though--there are a lot of FUGLY dresses. (The Mullet Dress comes to mind.) There were also a lot of brown dresses. I mean, there's ivory, but these dresses were past tan into straight up brown. And, of course, there were the '80s poufy dresses. But in the midst of all of that were some really gorgeous dresses. Including mine.

I think most brides second guess their dress choices at some point, particularly if they (like me) look at all these websites with other brides wearing such breathtaking dresses. I have had this problem exacerbated by the fact that my dress has been stored at my mom's place and I haven't seen it or tried it on in six months. Though maybe that's better? Anyway, sometimes I wonder if I missed out by skipping the bridal boutique experience, but I'm sure I would have fallen in love with an $8,000 gown. Ah, well. That's the way it goes I guess.

dell customer support online chat ftw

So, again, this is totally un-wedding-related, but I am just so pleased I needed to share.

Background: my computer's charger has been crazy moody lately. Like, I will have it plugged in, it will charge for a minute, but if you jostle it at all, it will stop charging. Even if it's firmly plugged in the wall, firmly in the computer, it's not going. I think some kind of wire inside it is shorting out, but regardless, it's incredibly annoying. I called Dell customer support about it about 3 weeks ago, and was told that because it works sometimes, they think it's not the charger, they think it's the hard drive and I would have to send my computer in for about 3 weeks for them to check it out. I tried to explain that, no, the computer otherwise works fine, and it's just that the charger sometimes doesn't work, but "Jeffrey" would have none of it. I realized only afterward that if I just told him it didn't work at all (despite the fact that it sort of works if you hold it just right and don't move at all) he would be much more receptive. This after I held for 15 minutes. He said he would send me an email showing a reciept of our conversation, but I never got it. I think something about the spelling of my email address got lost in translation.

(Aside: "Jeffrey" told me he was in India, and then proceeded to try to sell me a premium Dell service where you can speak to a real person in North America, instead of some lousy old Indian dude!)

Anyway, I finally got fed up enough with the precarious charging system today to try to call Dell again. As I was looking around their website for the phone number, I found that I could chat online with an agent instead. The following transpired:

Session Started with Agent (Madhusudhan_187930)
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Hello Kate. How are you doing today?"
Kate : "I'm okay"
Kate : "how are you?"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Good and thank you for asking."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "How may I assist you today Kate?"
Kate : "my power cord is not working properly"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "I understand that your power cord is not working properly, am I right?"
Kate : "yes"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Okay."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "May I please know as what exactly is the problem causing the power cord not working properly?"
Kate : "I don't know why it's not working"
Kate : "but if I plug it in and put it in the computer, the computer doesn't charge"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Okay."
Kate : "I'm using a friend's power cord now"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Could you please tell me Kate does your friends's power cord working fine with the computer?"
Kate : "yes"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Okay."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "So you mean to say that the battery is getting charged if you are using your friends power cord but not the one you have, am I right?"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Kate are you still connected to me?"
Kate : "yes, sorry"
Kate : "that is correct"
Kate : "it charges with my friend's power cord, but not mine"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Okay."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Any other issues apart from this you are facing with your computer Amy?"
Kate : "no"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Not a problem Kate, I am going to send you a replacement Power cord for your computer."
Kate : "great, thanks"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "You are welcome."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "May I please have your contact number and full mailing address to send the AC adapter?"
Kate : "sure"
Kate : "phone number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx"
Kate : "mailing address is xxxxx"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Kate I see a different address in your records, do you want me to change the address with the current address which you have given me right now?"
Kate : "yes, please"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Sure, give me couple of minutes while I log the case and give you the case number."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Thank you so much for waiting Kate I appreciate your patience."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Please pen down the Case# xxxxxxxx ."
Kate : "no problem"
Kate : "okay"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "You will be recieving the Ac adapter withing 2-3 business days."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Anything else apart from this you want me to help you with?"
Kate : "no, thank you"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "You are welcome."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "So have I answered all your queries and questions today?"
Kate : "yes"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Thank you so much for your time and patience, thank you for your help today."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Thank you for choosing Dell technical support."
Kate Dennis: "thank you, Madhusudhan"

Pretty soon, I will be able to charge AND blog or shop for overpriced wedding goods at the same time! It's a revelation!

so much hungry

So throughout the bridal blogging world (and it is a CRAZY world, for those of you uninitiated), there's a lot of self-hate and body-bashing. I will attempt to not do that now. It's understandable--there's a lot of pressure to look great on your big day, coupled with the camera adding ten pounds...it's a recipe for disordered eating/body image. It's actually very much like putting every woman into a TV show for a year or so. It's not healthy. Anyway, I read these blogs of seriously size 4 women bashing how chubby they are, and hating on themselves for having that burger last night, and lamenting that they're not a size 0. It makes me sad.

All of that being said, I've been battling my weight off and on (that is, I've always been heavier than I might have liked, but often have said fuck it and eaten whatever and however much I want anyway) for as long as I can remember. And I'm susceptible to the same pressures. So I'm trying to eat healthier, and less in preparation for the wedding. And you know what? It sucks. I like fatty, greasy, sugary foods. And LOTS OF THEM. I hate being hungry. But I try to rationalize that this is a long-term thing to make myself healthier, and not a quick fix to look hot in my dress. Looking hot is just a side benefit. A very large side benefit.

So, I basically just said I hate this kind of post and then went on to make it. Being a bride makes me awful, and I apologize.

when you call my name, it's like a little prayer

Last night, a friend invited me to come see Madonna with him. Let me say this: if you like Madonna at all and you get a chance to see her live, do it. Do not think about how expensive it is. JUST GO. As for me, I consider myself a casual Madonna fan. I don't know any of her new stuff except the singles, and even those I'm a little sketchy on. However, The Immaculate Collection is, of course, one of the greatest albums of all time, and so I know all of those songs. But this friend of mine had an extra ticket he needed to unload, so though I had previously balked at the price, I now could go for free! (Yes, of course he's a gay man. What straight man buys two absurdly expensive tickets to see Madonna? Though hilariously, his friends thought I might think that this was a date. Can you imagine? "Dear Diary, I met the nicest boy--he took me to Madonna!" This aside has become too long, and yet I refuse to stop it. Sorry.)

So the Sticky/Sweet Tour has been particularly well-recieved because Madonna has been doing a bunch of her old stuff, which she often refuses to do. But let me tell you this: when she went straight from 4 Minutes to Save the World into Like a Prayer, I nearly lost my shit. The fourty-something ladies in front of me and the super-gays behind me pretty much did lose their shit. I have never, ever seen any song bring down a house like that did. And this was an ENORMOUS house.

I am building a must-play list for the wedding DJ and so far, Like a Prayer is the only thing on it.

party in the front, business in the back

So my two bridesmaids and I bought my wedding dress at The Running of the Brides. One of these days I should do a whole post about that, because it was a sight to behold. One of the best/worst things about the experience is that there are a lot of really fugly dresses out there, and The Running is where they go to die. Or, more accurately, where they go to get bought by totally desparate bargain hunters. One such dress we affectionately named The Mullet. It was a sparkly, ridiculous confection in and of itself, but then--never wanting to leave too much without more--the front was short and the back was long. My bridesmaids insisted I try this travesty on. The front was seriously indecently short. Well above mid-thigh. The back was so long it had to have been a chapel-length train. WHY?! WHY?! I am not judgy about bridal fashion, for the most part. I mean, do what you want, whatever makes you feel pretty. But really? What you want to be wearing on the most-photographed day of your life is a mullet dress? Interesting choice. I figured the inherent ridiculousness of this garment was why it had landed at The Running. I figured no self-respecting woman would actually wear such a thing. (I should have been disabused of this notion when, as I was trying it on, several people told me how great it looked.)

I shall now post a photo of a totally different mullet gown. And a real person wearing it. I feel a little bad about doing this, but come on. You need to see this. This person is an acquiantance of my sister's, who sent it on to me. For which I can only say: THANK YOU FOR KNOWING ME SO WELL.

Shoe Update

They are here, and they are even more lovely in person. They are slightly too small, however, and Bluefly does not have them a half size up. They're so completely perfect in every other way, however, that I've decided to keep them. I'm working on stretching them out/breaking them in starting...yesterday.

Also, they SO need some kind of "shoe bling" so if you've got suggestions, leave 'em in the comments. Please. And thank you.

FINALLY, it's happened to me...

I finally found shoes. Only other brides could recognize how monumentally AWESOME this is. I have been looking for appropriate wedding shoes literally since I bought my dress. In February. Yes, 9 months ago. And not just, like, oh, I'm at a shoe store looking for sneakers, I should see if they have wedding shoes too. (Though, I admit, there was some of that too.) Like, actively looking. Scanning Zappos for any new postings. Constantly. Driving my bridesmaids crazy asking questions like "Is this too skanky?" "Would I wish I were dead if I were wearing these?" "I can't spend more on my shoes than I did on my dress, right?" and "I've lost all perspective: these are really ugly, aren't they?"

Why was finding a pair of shoes so hard? Well, for one thing, the Mister is an entire foot taller than me. I'd prefer not to look like a munchin at the altar, so high, high heels are a must. On the other hand, I'd also prefer not to wish I had cut my feet off at the ankles rather than subject myself to the torture of those high, high heels, so I was thinking a platform would be nice. Extra height, less heel. Win-win. Except that classy platforms are so much harder to find than I thought. So, so, so much harder.

On top of that, I haven't actually seen my dress since February, and I keep forgetting things about it. Like what exact color it is. (I bought it at the Running of the Brides, so there wasn't exactly a tag or an order or something.) Which makes buying white/off white shoes hard. The beading on the dress is a pewtery silver, which means gold is out as is super-bright shiny silver. My bridesmaids are wearing emerald green, so that was an option. I also thought blue might be nice (for my something blue), but I didn't want a navy or baby blue; if I was going to go blue, I wanted a sapphire to look nice with the emerald. Maybe that's crazy, but you know what? Fuck it, it's my wedding.

Anyway, after nine months of searching, I think I've found them. Of course, I need to see them in person to be sure, but I think this is it.



Now I can move on to obsessing about whether they need some sort of brooch or shoe clip on the toe! Excellent!

Four Thanksgivings

So since I'm planning my wedding from approximately 250 miles away, it can be tricky to schedule meetings that I actually care about. A few vendors I've paid sight unseen, so to speak, but there are some you just kind of have to meet. For example, cakes. I want to taste some damn cakes. Unfortunately, the only time I'm going to be in town the next couple of months is Thanksgiving. Oh, and Christmas. So convenient.

In addition, since the Mister's parents and mine live about an hour apart, we feel obligated to see both sets any time we're back. Oh, and my parents are divorced, so we have to see both halves of my family.

All this to say, our Thanksgiving weekend schedule looks like this:

Wednesday: work for the Mister and class for me, then to my mom's place

Thursday: get up in the morning and drive to my dad's parent's house (about an hour and a half away) for the turkey and fixin's

Friday: get up in the morning and drive back to my mom's place. Repeat turkey. Drive to the Mister's aunt and uncle's house. Eat something other than turkey, please Jesus. Party with his cousins.

Saturday: get up in the morning, try to make myself presentable, drive to cake tasting number one. Eat cake. Drive to cake tasting number two, try to eat more cake and not vomit. Feel guilty about number of calories consumed this weekend. Eat more cake. Drive back to the Mister's aunt and uncle's. More partying with cousins.

Sunday: get up in the morning, try to shake off caloric coma. Drive the four hours back to our humble abode. Prep for my last week of classes of the semester. Try not to think about how exhausting this whole "vacation" was.

Engagement Photos

So, the Mister and I aren't the most photogenic people you've ever met. I mean, we're lovely and all, but somehow you put a camera in our face and it looks a little bit like we might be related to Sloth from The Goonies. It ain't cute. HEEEY YOUUUU GUUUUYS!

Anyway, so one of the things I decided I wanted out of all this wedding nonsense was some nice engagement photos. Just some decent pictures of us. Maybe even a couple artsy ones. We're fun people. And someday we're going to get old and decrepit and I'd like to remember the way we looked back in the day.

Here's the thing, though: engagement photos are cheesy. I mean not absolutely all of them, I guess, but when you look at as many as I do (which, let me tell you, is kind of a lot), the more you realize...wow, this is silly. I mean, just google them. Seriously. You'll laugh. Then (if you know us) picture mine and the Mister's heads on those bodies: you'll laugh again.

here comes the bride...ALONE!

So, as I mentioned, I've decided to walk down the aisle alone despite the fact that I love and am pretty close to both my parents. People seem to be very emotional about this choice, which is a little funny to me. One of the reasons I didn't really think I would get married is sort of what the whole institution used to mean, and the relics of that that continue into today. I knew I didn't want anyone "giving me away" because, you know, I'm not a cow, I don't belong to my father (or my mother) and I'm not theirs to give. I am my own woman, and I am giving myself to the Mister just as he's giving himself to me. What better way to symbolize that I am independent, and that I am coming into this of my own choice, with my own mind, my own heart? What better way to symbolize that, at its root, this is about ME and HIM?

I knew I needed to talk to my dad about this before we got too close to the wedding day because I really didn't want to hurt him. Like I said, this is about me, and not about my relationship with him. So I was at lunch with my dad and my sister (and maid of honor) and I mentioned my feelings on the matter, and my dad was totally cool about it. "Yeah, that makes sense. That's a lot more YOU." (Which is accurate.) My sister, however, FLIPPED HER SHIT. She thinks it makes it look like I don't get along with dad, or that I don't have family. She thinks it's a slap in the face to him. To which I can only say: um...no?

I certainly don't mean to say that it's anti-feminist to be walked down the aisle by your dad. If that's what the bride wants, more power to her. But for me, with my already having some icky feelings about weddings, this was a nice compromise. And my dad will still get a sweet boutineer and a hug. What more could a guy want, right?

"fuck them, it's my wedding"

From the jump, I told everyone who would think it was funny that the motto of my wedding was going to be "fuck them, it's my wedding."

For instance, I have stepsisters to whom I'm not all that close, though I was in the younger one's wedding and they both call me their "sister." They're not going to be in the wedding. You know why? Because fuck them, it's my wedding.

I'm not doing favors. Fuck them, it's my wedding.

I'm walking down the aisle by myself, despite the fact that I have a good relationship with both my parents. Fuck them, it's my wedding. (More on this later, likely.)

Yet somehow, I feel like every decision I've made since the beginning of our engagement has been about what other people want and what they'd like in our wedding. Which is all well and good, but I just sort of wish I'd kept my irreverant (if, you know, rude) spirit. It was good for my mental health while it lasted.

lovebirds

I hate birds. Anyone who knows me could tell you that I have a perhaps abnormal fear/loathing of birds. Birds of all sizes and kinds, though there is a sort of spectrum of how awful they are. Big birds and birds of prey are worst. Baby birds and flightless birds are best (specifically baby penguins. even I can admit they're sort of cute. for birds). Birds are disease ridden. They have beady eyes and pointy beaks. And those gross, gross feet. THEY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEIR BOWELS. Seriously, is there anything grosser? And they can fly around, leaving you vulnerable to having your eyes pecked out AT ANY MOMENT. Plus, they are dinosaurs.

So it really irritates me when there are cutesy wedding things with birds all over them. I want cutesy wedding things, but I do not want those evil disease carriers anywhere near my special day. Look at this one! Those birds are perched on the edge of those glasses, waiting to lose control of their bowels all in your drink! In this invitation , these birds are eating your beautifully crafted centerpieces! Make them stop! And here: who wants to look at those dinosaurs while they eat? Yuck!

But more than anything, I hate being called a lovebird. I am a human being. I AM NOT A FUCKING BIRD. THAT IS GROSS.

Luckiest Girl Ever

I'm a law student, and this semester I'm working in a clinic that deals with child protective proceedings. My biggest case is representing a mom who's had her kid taken away because the dad was abusive to the mom in front of the kid. The mom since moved out, is in counseling, and is basically trying to put the pieces of her life back together--and get her daughter back. It's kind of a long story, but basically, the caseworker for the state hates my client and will stop at nothing to keep this kid in her foster home. It makes my stomach hurt to think about.

Anyway, after a long day of dealing with this shit, I come home and get in my warm and comfy bed, curled up with my laptop and O the Oprah Magazine (always a good way to feel better about the world). After a while, the Mister calls to say he's on his way home, and offers to stop at Chipotle to bring me a delicious dinner. Sometimes I forget that I really am the luckiest girl in the world. It's sad that it takes dealing with some of the unluckiest people for me to recognize it.

And because this post was depressing, and I've broken the seal on photos, I leave you with this:

Wait, why?

One of the things I'm trying super-hard to do throughout this process is to ask myself why I want certain things. For instance, until last month I was growing my hair out because I believed brides had long hair. Check out any wedding website, and you will see lots of brides growing out their hair for the big day.



Carrie Underwood here is sort of the holy grail of wedding hair. And I'll admit, it's lovely. So lovely that I, too, began growing my hair out.

Here's the thing, though. My hair looks bad long. I mean, not BAD-bad, but like, it just looks much better short. I like it better short. The Mister even likes it better short (and, from what I understand, dudes typically like longer hair).

So here I am, growing my hair out because I think it's what I'm supposed to do despite the fact that the dude I'm marrying and I both think I look better when it's not that way. Isn't that about the most absurd thing you've ever heard?

It happens to me all the time with this wedding planning nonsense. The most recent example is cake. I don't particularly like cake. I mean, it's fine, and a good cake is great, but a mediocre cake (which most wedding cakes are, frankly--and certainly all of the ones we could afford are) is just not worth getting excited about. The Mister, however, loves cheesecake. I like it a lot more than regular cake. And there's a bakery in Cincinnati, where we're getting married, that does nothing but cheesecake. And they even do cheesecakes that look pretty much just like regular cakes. And yet, I still had this feeling like I should do a regular cake instead. WHY?! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS?!

I am trying to train myself to recognize this feeling and fight it. It's MY wedding, right? It should be what I want, what I care about? Not just what I'm supposed to do? Right? In this spirit, I cut my hair. I am getting the damn cheesecake. And I'm not going to even think about getting extensions, Carrie Underwood!

p.s. photos!

photos?

So all the other bride blogs have photos. For "inspiration." And then they have links to where you can purchase the things which have inspired you. How convenient, Wedding Industrial Complex! Why thank you, bloggers of the bridalsphere, I DO need to peruse $700 shoes! Why yes, I WOULD like to imagine what it would be like to spend $4000 on a cake!

So I'm debating whether to put photos on here. On the one hand, weddings are pretty. And this is likely to be the only time in their lives most people have a professional photographer follow them around for a day, so the photos are extra-pretty too. But on the other hand, I think the purpose of this blog (for the moment anyway) is for me to put into words how I feel about all this wedding planning nonsense and that doesn't need photos.

Probably pretty will win.

Check, check, check

So we're in the crunch zone of time where I have been booking things right and left. The Mister and I have had a long engagement and for literally about a year and a half, I did nothing. I mean, I looked at wedding magazines and blogs, and I fantasized about what all I wanted (and obviously couldn't afford). But most places weren't even ready to talk to a bride more than two years from her wedding date, and I wasn't ready to commit to any particular vendor that early anyway. I think of this period as making up for the fact that, until that date, I hadn't really thought about what my wedding might be like. At all. I definitely wasn't that girl when I was little who had the big poufy dress all picked out. I crammed a lifetime of wedding fantasies into two years. It was a sort of sickening time.

Anyway, that time has passed, and now it falls on me to actually make decisions. In the span of the last two weeks we've picked (1) an officiant, (2) a photographer-avoiding a potential familial landmine maybe I'll talk about later (3) a florist, and (4) a D.J.

All of this makes me think I'd have been better off getting married 2 years ago. Le sigh, too late.

It's a PARTAYYYY

Basically, the Mister and I are as good as married in my mind (but married in my mind's no goooood). We live together, we have a legit partnership....not that much is going to change because we have some piece of paper. Or at least so I say now. But so all of this makes the wedding basically one big party where I get to look extra-hot and everyone we love gets to come.

Tonight we had some people over to our place, several bottles of wine, some delicious eats, and I felt so happy. I just hope that I don't lose that sense of fun and lightheartedness (and, frankly, booziness) in the intervening months. Over the course of our engagement, I keep trying to tell myself "it's just a big party." But then the Wedding Industrial Complex wants to tell me "yeah, just a big party to celebrate THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE MEANINGLESS LIFE SO BUY BUY BUY." And I need to get better at saying "pipe down, WIC."

The Beginning

Actually, this isn't the beginning. It's not even close to the beginning. Today is SIX YEARS from the beginning. Six years ago today, the Mister asked me if he could tell people I was his girlfriend. Today is nearly 22 months from when the Mister asked me if he could tell people I was his wife. But, it is the beginning of this blog.

It's a little sad for me that this we have to start over on the anniversary count. Isn't that ridiculous?