an aside, re: Rihanna

People leave the oven on or fry turkeys in the garage and burn their house down. One may even accidentally step on the gas instead of the brake and run over the family cat. Mistakes resulting in tragic consequences happen all the time. But one cannot mistakenly beat someone up. You do not accidentally give someone black eyes, a broken nose and a split lip.

snapped

I have decided I hate wedding blogs. That's an overstatement. I have decided I am sick of most wedding blogs. I still love the individual brides blogging about their interesting or personal details of their own up-coming or recently-passed weddings. What I hate are the big, pretty conglomerate sites with their gorgeous (though frankly, after a while, totally indistinguishable) photos and supposedly helpful tips. You are not helpful. You are not inspirational. You are irritating to me right now.

This is the post that threw me over the edge. Here are my thoughts, as I'm reading the post...

1. Hey, her name is Kate! Awesome!
2. Oh, and her fiance is a law student! So she knows law school sucks!
3. Wait, "the trick to this whole planning thing for me has been including him without interrupting his vital study time"? Seriously? Ooookay.
4. She's referring to her fiance as Superman? Is that what I'm to understand?
5. I'm just going to post the rest of the article in its entirety because it is so mind-blowing/numbing:

In an effort to give Superman a choice, I researched around 75 bakeries and narrowed it down to 40, then presented him with those options. He was overwhelmed and I translated that as disinterest. He became frustrated and after some thoughtful discussion, he said something brilliant.

"We can’t do everything. We have to pick what’s best. Best for us; Best for our wedding, yes, but best for our time and schedules.”

This outlook was new to me and oh so very helpful in the many discussions since. I just have to keep in mind that sometimes, protecting our stress levels and schedules is just as much a design decision as protecting our need to have the best baker in the city.

The stress of planning a wedding can be compounded by so many everyday requirements. I’m glad to be planning a wedding that reflects where we are right now, with all the challenges and difficulty this time includes. Will it reflect a couple who had hours and hours to call every baker in town? No. It will reflect a couple who made stylish choices in the face of other responsibilities and pursuits. I hope, and oh how I know it will reflect a couple deep enough in love to withstand a 2000 mile separation. A couple prepared for a lifetime of obstacles and happiness.

She asks whether her wedding will reflect a couple who had hours and hours to call every baker in town, and then says it won't. Well, somehow she found the hours and hours necessary to call or otherwise research SEVENTY FRENCHING FIVE BAKERS and then narrow them down to FORTY and was pissy when her Superman couldn't find time to call each one and find the best of them all. She thinks it's a revelation when her Superman tells her they need to do what's best for them?! Really?

Anyway, I shouldn't be so harsh on this poor Kate. It's not her. It's me. I've been reading these blogs for much too long now and it's posts like this one--every day, posts like this one--that have rotted my brain.

These posts aren't even as bad as the others like "We have THE LOVELIEST WEDDING OF ALL TIME to show you" with photos (where the photographer certainly cost over $5,000) of things like huge centerpieces I can tell you definitely cost over $100 a piece with little notes saying things like "the bride wanted all her guests to feel welcome, so she wrote them each an individual note telling them how happy she was that they came all the way to Timbuktu for her wedding." Subtext: why aren't you writing individual notes to your guests, you lazy, ungrateful woman? "The bride is a graphic designer, so she designed her own amazing, letterpress invites (at half the cost!)" Half of a zillion dollars is still a half-zillion dollars, but the subtext? Why can't you be crafy enough to do things for your wedding too, lazy? Or why can't you just suck it up and spend the money on pretty invitations--you really need to have them. "The bride wanted to save money on the dress, but as soon as she put on this Vera Wang gown, she knew it was The One, so she just had her friend the tailor make her a reproduction." Subtext: I need new friends, apparently.

I will probably come back and edit this post to be somewhat more coherent when I'm in less of a wedding fatigue-induced rage. But until then, let me say this: "style me pretty" doesn't even make sense. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHY WOULD YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT?

springtime, please

I got back from my lovely San Francisco trip Monday and have been mostly worthless since then. Seriously. I have skipped half of my classes this week, done very little of my reading, generally failed to study for the ethics portion of the bar exam which I have to take on Saturday, and hadn't worked out until this morning. I think I'm experiencing some serious end-of-winter ennui, coupled with a bad case of senioritis. Too bad spring won't come to the frozen arctic wasteland I'm currently stuck in for another 2 months or so, and I still need to, you know, graduate.

So the invitations lady sent more paper samples. I still don't like them. (Seriously, is emerald really that weird?) But you know what else I don't like? Not having them done. So I just went with it. Whatever. Ideally, I'd like for invitations to go out next weekend, so you know, no time for pussy-footing around.

And the officiant lady emailed me to be like "so...about that wedding thing..." and I emailed her back to be like "yeah, we should do that." So I guess that's done.

The other day I was talking to the Mister, and he said something to the effect of "I really can't wait until this wedding planning stuff is over." Which I wholeheartedly agree with, but I also wonder what the hell I'll obsess over next. Also, wtf? He's ready for it to be over? As though he's been doing a lot of the planning? Though maybe it's more of a commentary on life with me through the process...

soon as I settle, I better be able to move on

So this weekend, the Mister and I headed back to the city where we're getting married for wall-to-wall wedding action. It was so exhausting that, even though it's well after noon, I'm still laying in my pajamas in my bed.

First, we met with a possible officiant. This woman was, how shall I say, weird. She seemed perfectly nice, but she also is clearly a crazy cat lady, you know? I also don't know how the hell we could find someone else at this point, and I feel confident that if we scripted everything out she'd do it just how we want, so how much does it matter? The Mister and I both left sort of feeling blah--we'd hoped that we'd have some sort of "connection" for lack of a better word (and for the infection of Rock of Love into my brain) and we didn't. We're up against the wall as far as time and distance, so we'll probably just hire her. Settle number one.

Second, we had our first caterer's tasting. The food was delicious, so I am quite pleased. But we had asked last-minute to change the potatoes, and that wasn't reflected (though the old-style potatoes were pretty good). Also, we didn't get to taste the bread or the appetizers. Whatever, I'm settling.

Third, I had my first dress fitting. The alterations man (seamster?) is fantastic. He clearly knows what he's doing, but he also just just fun and entertaining. Also, I've been working out a lot and eating reasonably well (until this weekend, where I was sick and back home---so of course I couldn't work out or eat anything except the MOST disgusting foods imaginable) so the dress fits SO much better than it did last time I tried it on, before Thanksgiving. So that went well, until he started pinning my bustle. My dress has a fair amount of stuff going on, and it turns out, when you want that stuff to not be on the floor, it looks slightly odd. As in, WOW, that's a lot of fabric. On my ass. Awesome. He tried a couple different things, but you know, there's only so much you can do. It looks like you're hiking your dress up because YOU'RE HIKING YOUR DRESS UP. Sigh. Settle number three.

Fourth, we went to the tux place. Here, we did not settle. (I need to put in a plug here for family-owned and operated businesses. We ended up going to two locations of the same store and being waiting on two different guys whose names were on the door and nowhere else in the wedding industry have I been so well-taken care of.) In fact, the Mister ended up getting such a good deal on a tux, he bought one (or should I say, his mother bought it for him. I think she was just so pleased to be invited along, she started dropping plastic). And let me tell you, if you have never seen the very tall, very dashing, freckle-faced young Aryan man you love in a tuxedo, you are missing out on one of the great pleasures in life. I know he felt a little silly, what with his mom and me watching him, but man...ladies go crazy for a sharp-dressed man.

Finally, I had hoped to meet up with the invitations lady. It didn't happen. I wanted to go to a paper store with her because we're still having what I will term "communications issues" about what emerald green means. Since last time we talked about paper it took me 2 months to see anything, and the invites need to go out in three weeks, I decided--you guessed it--to settle for a color that wasn't quite right. I emailed the inivitations lady to tell her as much, and she says that she got some more samples and is sending them to me today. Fingers crossed this means that my custom invites are actually...you know, what I wanted.

I must say, I am really looking forward to the day when we can go home...just to go home. (AND WHEN WE DO, WE'LL BE TOTALLY MARRIED. Weird.)

guess what I'm wearing right now?

If you guessed lingerie, you're not only creepy, but you don't know me that well! If you guessed a veil, you're not only creepy, but right!

I was talking to my alterations man, and he said I should bring my veil with me, which reminded me that I hadn't yet bought one. I knew I wanted one, but just hadn't gotten around to buying one...the ones in bridal stores are so crazy-expensive! I finally just decided to go on and buy a cheapie. Less than $10 on eBay! (Also, my first eBay purchase ever. Yes really. I know, I'm living in like 1996.) It's a little fuller than I had anticipated at the crown, but I think once I get it situated and I'm wearing it with something other than an H&M sweater and jeans (you know, like a white gown) it's going to be awesome.

I LOVE the look of birdcage veils...on other brides. For some reason, I just look like a little girl playing dress up or something. Plus, I'm not entirely convinced it would look right with my dress, which is more Gatsby-era than Garbo-era vintage looking, I think. Plus, there's something sort of ethereally pretty about a traditional lighter-than-air veil. Or at least I think so. As I sit here, blogging and wearing it. That's not weird, right?

what's done is done

So after much back and forth, I decided to show my mom the dress I showed you all a few days ago. My sister/MOH was mildly horrified that that wasn't step one. Here's why it wasn't step one: I showed it to her, and literally within 30 seconds she had ordered it. I wanted to be sure.

Thanks to all of you for reassuring me that we can make it look more happily festive with colorful accessories. (I also think the tea length and poofiness help.) Special thanks to Melissa for telling me how to, you know, be a real blogger and add a gadget. Next time. Next time.

And because I forgot to credit the photo last time, here's a link to where you too, can be the owner of said dress.

what is this, a funeral?

I wish I knew how to post a poll, because this a poll post. The question is, the mother of the bride wearing black: no big deal or kinda funereal? Specifically, what do we think of this dress--



Let me know in the comments. Please.