Kate Gets Married

better later than never?

2009-09-13T22:11:00.001-04:00

So the husband and I have begun our epic roadtrip and I, like a chump, left the disc of wedding photos at home. So six weeks from now I'll post more. Sorry.

better late than never- the ceremony

2009-09-08T22:25:00.006-04:00

So, as I might have mentioned, I bawled through the entire ceremony. I was a basketcase. My sister was a basketcase. My husband was...crying. As far as I can tell, everyone cried. For better or worse, it was that kind of wedding. (I like to think it was because it was the most heartfelt, touching wedding anybody has ever attended, but who knows. Crying's a bit contagious, as it turns out.)

This is me, coming down the aisle. I promise that I am pleased about being led down the aisle and do not think I am instead being led to a firing squad.

But I was happy, promise.

Because the tent flaps were up and it was a blustery, rainy day turned into a lovely evening, the wind was blowing quite a bit. I think, on the whole, that was good--it prevented a lot of the sweating that was otherwise inevitable from the bridal party. It made my veil whip around quite a bit, though, which at the time I found sort of hilariously annoying, but in photographs is quite dramatic.

All in all, the ceremony was everything I wanted it to be: short but not too short, sweet, heartfelt, non-religious, and meaningful (at least to us).

better late than never- part II

2009-09-08T22:05:00.006-04:00

So the idea was that the hubs and I would do photos separately before the ceremony with our respective halves of the bridal party and our families, so that during the cocktail hour we'd do photos with the two of us and whomever else. (As I said before, we went real old school and didn't see each other before the ceremony.) Anyway, I was thinking we'd do photos in the main square of our hometown and outside the museum where we got married (which has lovely grounds). Unfortunately, it started raining that afternoon and this is one of about 4 photos we got outside before the skies opened up:

(That's my bridesman, Phil, on the end there. Plus, my sister and the other bridesmaid, Liz, that you've seen already.)

And this is us, about 30 seconds later, running out of the rain:

Luckily, my photographer is super creative and took the opportunity to take some sweet dramatic shots in an nearby alley with some cover. Unluckily, where it also reeked of urine.

Luckily again, however, it stopped raining by ceremony time, meaning that the sides of the tent where we were married could be opened up a bit to show some of the beautiful green gardens that were the whole reason I chose the location in the first place. Ceremony photos soon to follow...

(Again, photos courtesy Amanda Egan. You can click to see a larger version.)

better late than never- part I

2009-09-08T18:04:00.011-04:00

We started the day with mimosas. What?

Mimosas and make up. Luckily, I guess, the make up artist wasn't drinking. She was, however, under the influence of some serious pain meds. (The lovely and talented Heidi fell the night before The Big Day and jacked up her knee. She was determined enough to come do up our faces anyway and her husband drove her and carried her not insubstantial stash of face paints up to our hotel room.) Anyway, regardless of what sorts of substances she may or may not have been on, she did a great job.

The hubs and I agreed to exchange cards on the day of the wedding, rather than gifts or anything, in part because we weren't going to see each other before the ceremony.

We bought each other the same card. Seriously. From two different stores. It's not even a wedding card! (Outside text: YOU ARE AWESOME. Inside: And by "awesome," I mean "totally awesome.") If that's not a damn omen, I don't know what is.

This is my sister. Isn't she irritatingly pretty? Anyway, you can see behind her there my other bridesmaid and Julie the Wedding Planner attempting to zip her into her dress. It was a little touch and go there for a minute, but I can assure you she got in and stayed in and along the way someone pronounced her breasts "totally perfect."

Throughout this portion of the day, I was getting pretty antsy. I mean, I was having fun and enjoying the company of my friends and photographers and planners and whatnot, but there's a lot of "let's get this show on the road" in me that I just can't break. So anyway, I was excited to get in the dress.

I post this photo mostly because I think the looks on my bridesmaids' faces are hilarious. Like my dress has sprouted three heads or something.

These are my momma's hands, getting me all zipped up.

And this...this is more or less the final look.

More to come, honest.

(All photos courtesy of the incomparable Amanda Egan.)

I haven't forgotten you

2009-07-08T22:02:00.001-04:00

Honest! All the photos just got posted to my photog's website this week, and I'm waiting on my (unwatermarked) CD full of 'em, at which point I'll start posting again with full on recaps. But looking through all the photos again has made me remember how seriously AWESOME the wedding was.

mmm

2009-05-30T14:11:00.001-04:00

This is how I feel when I think back on the wedding day.

this is the (sixth) day of my life

2009-05-22T17:49:00.003-04:00

In part for the Mister, but also because it's a lovely little song...

click it. really.

These things take forever; I especially am slow.

with this ring...

2009-05-21T08:07:00.005-04:00

This is one of only three pro photos I have currently...more coming, I promise. I'd like to do a photo story with my impressions of the day, so I'm going to hold off for those photos.

We're just back from our "mini-moon" and today's D-Day where we have to rejoin the real world: I start bar classes, and he goes back to work. I also plan to blog a little bit about totally non-wedding-related topics, so if you'd like to follow me after I finish up here, you can at Kate Gets A Life.

TOTALLY MARRIED

2009-05-17T06:14:00.003-04:00

Well, I have been married for all of about 11.5 hours!!!!!!!! AAAH!! (I am only blogging because I am a crazy person and cannot sleep. The Hubs is still in bed, and given how tired he was, I wouldn't be surprised if he sleeps another 6 hours.)

Everything went PERFECTLY. Seriously. I didn't think that that was a thing that happened to people, but it totally did. Maybe perfectly is too strong--it did rain in the afternoon, so we had the ceremony in the tent, but they opened it up to the garden and it was totally lovely.

People ate the delicious food and they drank the delicious booze and they danced and danced and danced and danced. And by "people" I do of course mean "yours truly."

Highlights: who am I kidding? It was like one big highlight reel.

hot mess

2009-05-13T10:46:00.002-04:00

The fact is that I'm a pretty neurotic person. I don't handle stress all that well. And I've been pretty stressed out. Combine this with the fact that I'm not one of those girls who's been compiling a wedding binder since my 6th birthday, and I'm going to tell you something: hiring a wedding planner was not an optional expense.

I hired Julie The Wedding Planner last summer, after I had booked the location and picked a caterer. (Thus we had already sprung for the premium bar package, and as far as The Mister was concerned, wedding planning was over.) For about 9 months, I felt a little silly about having hired her. She did give some great recommendations, but mostly stuff I probably could have found on that swirling, frightening abyss: The Knot. I underutilized her.

In the last month, though, Julie's shown exactly why I hired her. For example, yesterday The Location Lady emailed me to say that we have to decide whether to have the ceremony outside or in the tent by Thursday at 3, because that's when she sets it up. As of right now, the weather forecast is calling for scattered thunderstorms. (Apparently my wishing is less effective all the sudden? I don't know, but I'm not pleased.) Given that, I was resigning myself to a tent wedding, and was kind of upset about it. Julie calls this morning and tells me that she talked to The Location Lady, and that she had told her just to set it up in the tent and that if the sun's shining, she'll move the chairs. WHAT A SIMPLE SOLUTION.

pomp and circumstance

2009-05-10T10:22:00.004-04:00

Well, I graduated from law school yesterday. It sort of went out, as they say, not with a bang, but with a whimper. I guess most phases of your life do. So I met a ton of my friends' family members, and I was always "This is Kate. She's the one getting married next week," followed by looks of concern or amazement and "so, are you ready/excited/stressed out about it?"

In short, yes.

I basically blocked all wedding planning out for the last couple days, and have just been doing graduation stuff. By graduation stuff, I mean, for example, drinking a fancy bottle of champagne, getting each of my parents to take me to a different fancy restaurant (divorce = TWO CHRISTMASES!), teaching my dad flip cup, oh and...you know, graduating.

But graduation's over now. I am a law school graduate. (Or at least I will be in a month when grades come back and they can certify that I did, indeed, graduate.) And that means facing facts: the wedding is in six days. IT'S ON.

Somehow, despite the fact that the Mister and I have been engaged for well over two years, the fact that it's six days away is CRAZYTOWN.

Good news: while the ten day forecast 4 days ago was calling for showers on the wedding day, the new forecast calls for a high of 80, low of 60, partly sunny. In short: my ideal day. Or as The Fucking Weather would say "80? IT'S FUCKING NICE." I believe that I can wish for good weather and it will happen. (See, e.g., my trip to the Virgin Islands with the Mister's family. During hurricane season. When the forecast was calling for terrible storms all week. And it barely rained on our first day there and not again after. You're welcome, St. Thomas.) Thus, my time wishing for perfect wedding day weather is paying off.

So, today, I recover from my graduation weekend, make lots of lists of things I MUST REMEMBER TO PACK, nap if I'm lucky, actually pack--inevitably forgetting lots of things, and try to relax. Tomorrow, I hit the road for my hometown and get down to the business of getting married.

the hub

2009-05-07T16:03:00.004-04:00

Here's the problem: I have lots of very nice people willing to help me in this last 10 days. However, I also have a zillion people emailing me to ask me questions or finalize details or whatever. For me to email one of those very nice people to ask them to take care of whatever needs taken care of takes as long as it would take for me to just respond to the original email. Either that or they need some info which, of course, I have and no one else does.

(I spent like 3 minutes trying to make the last clause of that last sentence work with "I'm the only one who has" or "I'm the only haver of" or some such....English grammar is so tricky.)

Anyway, when The Mister and are cutting that cake, and I can look around at all our friends and family--with only the dancing to go--that's when I will enjoy all this wedding business.

blog-worthy

2009-05-01T21:45:00.004-04:00

I feel like there are a million things to say and yet no creative juice to say them. This week--no, this month has left me tapped out. Hopefully more to come soon. We shall see.

on and on and on

2009-04-20T15:59:00.003-04:00

So, I sort of apologize for my lack of regular posting. I only sort of apologize because I've entered what The Mister refers to as "finals freak out mode" and what could be referred to as "wedding freak out mode" and thus, this blog isn't exactly high on my priority list. Sorry, suckers.

The poll on my sailor's mouth has closed. The vote was 10-1 in favor of "Who gives a shit?" and as it turns out, the 1 "My sensitive ears!" vote was by my bridesmaid who-direct quote here- "thought it was funny." So apparently no one is offended and I will continue to curse with abandon.

My shower was this weekend. It was lovely. Lots of people came who I thought wouldn't, and a few people didn't who I thought would. I guess that's how it always goes. I was so happy to see everyone that I almost didn't notice how exhausting it is to be the center of attention all that time. But seriously, it was very touching to me how many great women there are in my life and how they all are so excited about my marrying The Mister.

We also met with the caterer, the location lady, and the wedding planner. There was a lot of "what should we do about x?" followed by the three of them discussing, turning to me and the Mister for a response and us saying something like "uuuh...whatever you think?" and their agreeing that that whatever they decided what the right choice. In short: exactly what we needed. I was sort of feeling silly about hiring a wedding planner given that a lot of the stuff I did on my own, but I will say in that hour she more than made it all worth it.

I also had my second (and final!) dress fitting. It turns out my shoulders are uneven. So that's good to know, in case I ever wanted to be self-conscious about something new.

P.S. Has anyone seen a guestbook idea that they love? And that wouldn't be ridiculously pricey? Your help is much appreciated.

fraying around the edges

2009-04-12T21:41:00.005-04:00

Well, the RSVPs just keep coming. So far: 62 yes, 17 no, and 41 not yet replieds. (This breakdown despite the fact that they were due today. Not one of member of my mom's side of the family has sent in the card. Seriously? It's not that hard people. You write your name and how many people are in your party. Then you put it in the envelope and into the mailbox. NOT THAT HARD.) Anyway, it's actually great because it makes me really excited to come home and check the mail. Who might have responded today?? Will any gifts have arrived? (Nevermind the fact that I know exactly which gifts have been purchased off the registry seeing as I check it compulsively. It's still exciting to get boxes.)

Unfortunately, my level of excitement about wedding planning generally is way lower than my level of excitement about the mail coming everyday. In fact, I find myself ready to have a nervous breakdown just thinking about surviving the next month. Why did I schedule my own wedding one week after law school ends? Why do I hate myself so? Anyway, I am basically unable to think about anything wedding-related because my coping mechanism with being as stressed out and frazzled as I am is the oh-so-helpful "if I don't think about it, it's not happening" technique. Otherwise known as The Ostrich Strategy. It may not be helpful, but at least I'm not crying in the law school computer lab right now. Yet.

return to the living

2009-04-06T14:36:00.003-04:00

Well, friends, I am now well enough to leave my apartment! This is a serious improvement, given that until today I had literally left my apartment only once in the last week: to go to the doctor. And it wasn't until this weekend that I even felt well enough to relocate from the bed to the couch. The flu sucks.

So anyway, it occurs to me that I feel like I should be doing a million wedding-related things, and I have no idea what any of those things might be. I am sure that a good bride-to-be would be making lists and checking things off those lists, and furiously sending emails to various people. I, however, am mostly just waiting for it all to be over.

infected

2009-04-01T14:06:00.002-04:00

I have the flu. I think. I finally went to the doctor today and they drew some blood and did a throat swab to rule out some other stuff, but I'm pretty sure it's the flu. Whatever it is, it's miserable.

Also, my computer seems to have some sort of crazy virus. And I can't get Spybot or AdAware to run--part of the virus? Sigh. I'm going to have to wait to get my strength back to deal with it.

liked it, put ring on it

2009-03-29T20:56:00.006-04:00

I'm back. I'm exhausted, but otherwise unscathed. I have to say, I'm a lucky girl in that I not only have a fantastic husband-elect, but I also have some fantastic friends. Fantastic friends (and a sister) who will travel across a few states and into the arctic tundra that was Chicago this weekend, and whose idea of "flair ware" includes a tiara and awesomely cartoonish light-up "diamond" ring and tiara, but not a penis necklace or cake in sight. (Plus, those broads use the term "flair ware." Seriously.)

And because MMC is not only a star RSVP-er, but also a fantastic photographer, I can bring you these:

The ring:

The "groom" of these totally hilarious/amazing bottle costumes. Unfortunately, I don't have a great shot of the "bride"--complete with veil, but suffice it to say I nearly lost my shit at the dinner table when the wine bottles were outfitted.

Frankly, nothing too crazy happened. I don't know if that makes mine the best bachelorette party ever or the lamest. I'm going with best.

last fling before the ring

2009-03-28T09:48:00.001-04:00

I am sitting here waiting for my friends to arrive for us to embark upon my bachelorette party. Last night at Law School Prom someone let it slip that there is in fact a flag for the car which reads "last fling before the ring." I can only imagine what this means about the other "flair ware." Law Prom was also a great success--fun, boozy, everyone looked good, everyone thought I looked good--what more can a girl ask for?

Anyhow, I guess I should get dressed. Bachelorette partying probably requires something other than sweats.

aaaand we're off

2009-03-27T17:12:00.000-04:00

The first RSVP card arrived today!! Congratulations to MMC for getting her reply back in a staggering 45 hours after they were sent! Well done, MMC and the USPS!

Did I put the RSVP card on the refrigerator? What's it to you?

they're out there

2009-03-25T16:54:00.000-04:00

INVITATIONS HAVE GONE OUT. I am pleased as punch to have that done. Now just waiting for the flood of little bitty RSVP envelopes to arrive in my mailbox.

love angel music baby

2009-03-24T20:48:00.000-04:00

So things have certainly calmed down since last week "shit on my face" as I believe I so eloquently stated last time. I mean, it's not like I got phone calls from my future mother in law, friend with health scare, and employer all saying "JK! GOTCHA!" but I also haven't had anything else happen. And I'm chalking that up as a big ol' victory. Also, I finally had a couple of good workouts. In a row! (Like this morning, when I ran to Gwen Stefani and STILL HAVE THAT FRENCHING HARAJUKU NONSENSE STUCK IN MY HEAD.)

We also recieved our second wedding gift! And the first from our registry! (My grandmother previously sent us our knives, but bought them off a discount retailer's website, so it didn't show up in that oh-so-satisfying "Needs: 0 Recieved: 1" kind of way on the Bed, Bath, and Beyond website.)

I also recieved an invitation to my bridal shower. I don't fully understand the multiple showers thing. No, that's not true. I understand having a work shower and a regular shower. I understand having one shower in New York and one in California. I do not understand having multiple showers in the same city, really. I mean, can your fiance's aunts really not mingle with your aunts? It seems silly. Particularly when, like me, you have to travel in for each shower. So I told all interested parties to get it together because I'm only showing up for one of these shindigs. Only I tried to sound nicer and more appreciative that anyone would want to hold such a shindig in my honor.

Anyway, the invitations for said event arrived this week, and let me say this. It is clear that I did not have anything to do with the picking of these invitations. Which is fine. Actually, it's sort of inadvertently hilarious, I think. They are teal with a sort of pink and cream tea party scene happening on them. Then the lady who is (unbelievably graciously) hosting the shower and her daughter personalized them with a glitter pen and a heart-shaped punch. Seriously. Very sweet. Very....very. My sister has been helping this lady plan and I sort of thought she'd have a little input on the invites, so when I recieved them, I didn't want to say anything to her right away. Instead, I emailed both the co-planners to say I had recieved it, it was "cute," how excited I was and thanking them for planning the whole deal. You know, being polite. It's this weird thing I try sometimes. The following gchat transpired:

Chris: so
i didnt pick the invitation
can you tell? i think you probably can
me: hahahahaha
yes
I thought about blogging about it
but decided to hold off until we had that exact conversation
Chris: yeah go for it
i got your email and i was like, phew
its cute
then i got the mail
me: haha
Chris: i mean
me: yeah, it's pretty awful
Chris: its fine
its fine
it gets the point across
its
um
fine
its fine

So there you have it, folks. Fine.

Also, today my other bridesmaid and I shopped for literally like 7 hours and went to two malls and two free-standing shoe stores. At the second mall, about 6 1/2 hours in, I finally found a pair of shoes to wear to the rehearsal dinner (and, incidentally, with my rehearsal dinner dress to the Law School Prom--yes, that's a thing, because law school is as much like high school as it possibly could be--this Friday) so I am psyched.

And because I haven't posted photos in a coon's age, here's the dress:

and the accompanying shoes (which I think look more light/true red in person):

Cute, right? (Feel free to comment if the answer is "yes" and if not, feel free to keep your damn mouth shut.)

P.S. Thanks for voting in the poll over to the right, 5 voters. I am glad I have not offended you. Yet.

when is this week over???

2009-03-19T20:58:00.000-04:00

This should be the best week of the year so far. Springtime has more or less come, and one day I got to wear a skirt! With no tights! The sun shined (sometimes)! St. Patrick's Day was Tuesday, and as someone with some Irish heritage, reddish hair (i.e., looks good in green), and a love of beer green or otherwise, I LOVE that holiday. And it's March Madness. I LOVE March Madness. And yet somehow, this week shit all over me.

Monday I already posted about. It sucked.

Tuesday, the Mister called his mother and gave her the "it's not going to happen speech" which she did not take well. According to her, this wedding is "not just about [us]" and we don't care about her feelings. There's a whole other shitshow of things that were said during and after that conversation that are just CRAZYTOWN but I can't even think about them right now. Suffice it to say, though I am getting my way here, there were many tears shed by at least the two ladies in this fight and though our relationship may be fine, there are definitely a lot of hurt feelings hanging around.

Oh, also Tuesday, I learned about a good friend of mine's health scare. And it's, you know, scary.

Wednesday night I baked cookies rather than deal with feelings. It was only mildly effective.

This morning, I woke up and went to the gym (I know, go me, right?). I had a terrible work out. Terrible. To the point that I felt like I might as well not work out any more because clearly this is not getting any easier or getting me more in shape and I'm destined to be fat and sad forever. I come home and fire up the laptop to check my email and what's the first thing in my inbox, timestamped 9PM Wednesday night? An email from the cochair of the hiring committee of the law firm where I'll be working saying "Are you available for a phone conversation tomorrow [now today since I didn't check email last night]? Please let me know what times will work for you."

For those of you who have been living under a rock, the economy BLOWS right now. For those who don't follow the legal market as it relates to this shitty economy, let me just direct you to this: which is not for the faint of heart (I can't read it anymore.) In fact, it's in part because I can't read it anymore that I hadn't heard that my firm laid a bunch of people off last month. But I did of course know that firms are laying people off, delaying start dates, rescinding job offers to 3Ls (third year law students, like myself, who are about to graduate and expected to be starting in September). It's tough out there for a pimp. Or a JD.

Anyway, so back to the email this morning. I (obviously) freak the fuck out. Wouldn't you? Aren't you almost panicked reading this? (Unless you know the ending already.) I email the guy, Bob, back to tell him I have a class at 3:30 but otherwise am available to take a call. He emails back to say he'll call me by 1. Fine, I think. 3 hours of the knot in my stomach. I can handle that. 1 comes and goes. At 1:30, I email back to ask if I should still be expecting a call. He emails back quickly to say he'll call within 10 minutes. 30 minutes later, finally, the phone rings.

Bob and I exchange pleasantries. Then he gets down to brass tacks. There have been layoffs. The executive committee met last night and decided to delay my start date to January 2010 and cut my salary by nearly 15%. They also decided to rescind the offers to some of the other 3Ls in my class.

So, I still have a job. And I still have a high-paying job, frankly. It could be a LOT worse. But I also have to start making (LARGE) loan repayments about 3 months before I'll ever see a reduced paycheck. I have to find a place to live (and presumably pay for that place) for about 6 months before. Oh, and I have to pay for a wedding in the meantime. Awesome.

spitting fire

2009-03-16T13:28:00.000-04:00

I’m so mad I almost can’t write this post. Almost.

I have often read accounts of other brides being forced to invite people by their parents or their in-laws and pitied said brides. I've often thought how lucky I am to have such an understanding family and future in-laws, unlike those poor, wretched souls. I should have known this would come back to bite me.

Two years ago (yes, literally), when the Mister and I first assembled our tentative guest list, I asked both sets of parents if there was anyone in particular they insisted we invite that we might not think of. I was told there surely wasn’t, and that however we wanted to do it was fine.

We made a big deal out of trying to keep it as small as possible, but still including all the really important people in our lives. (If it were just up to me, it’d be me, the Mister, and our immediate families on some deserted island. The Mister has a big family and they’re close, though, and so we decided to do it close to home and invite all of them. And I’m pleased we did.)

But so apparently The Mister’s Mom took this directive as “FAMILY ONLY, NO BLOOD RELATION, NO CARE,” which it wasn’t. When we said something about The Mister’s cousin’s live-in boyfriend (they’ve been dating for about 6 years or something, and he comes to all the family functions, and as far as I’m concerned, they might as well be married) being invited, she sort of flipped out. She was concerned that she had been spreading the wrong message to the family (which she had) and implied that this was my fault (which it wasn't). In order to placate her, I assured her I’d send her the guest list so she could see what we were thinking and let us know if we had somehow missed someone important. I should have known what I was really saying was “PLEASE, UNIVERSE, SMITE ME.”

She called the Mister the afternoon I sent her the guest list to discuss three people she was concerned we’d left off. Two were a couple that the Mister’s parents are friends with, and I’ve literally never met. One was a creepy dude who comes to the big camping trip the Mister’s extended family does every Memorial Day. I guess he’s a family friend, but he seriously skeezes me out. And if there’s something I don’t want to be on my fucking wedding day, it’s skeezed out. Regardless, she began pointing out people on the list who she didn’t think were as worthy of an invitation as these three (all our friends, natch). The Mister politely informed her that the people on the list were close to us, and her suggested additional invitees were not, and, furthermore, should we have room for three more people, there are many people closer to us than they that would be next on the list. However, we didn’t want to invite three more people at all because, as I mentioned earlier, we are trying to keep it as small as possible.

In fact, I had a full discussion with the Mister’s Mom a few months ago about the importance to me of keeping it small, and how this strong desire was not just money-related (though obviously that’s a constraining factor too). I want to know and love every single person there. I want to be able to talk to everyone. I want it to feel like a party and not some kind of business meeting. I want there to be a NO RANDOMS ALLOWED policy. And, frankly, I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Not even a little bit. Particularly when I’m paying for the fucking thing. But even if I weren’t.

Cut to this morning. At 8 AM, the Mister received an email from his mother which says:

Your father and I have talked extensively about the guest list that you sent us. I know that you do not feel compelled to follow the standards of common etiquette, but being old, I feel the need to. Because the wedding is so close to home, there are a few people that we need to invite. If the wedding were in Oshkosh, we could get away with not inviting. I checked the [wedding venue] and see that the tent will hold up to 250 people for a dinner, so space should not be an issue. We will be more than happy to pay for these additional guests. If you need additional to also cover the extra invitations, we will be happy to cover that also.

[She then lists 8 additional guests and their mailing addresses, including the couple she wanted to invite over a month ago, but not including the creepy dude. I have not met a single one of them. The Mister hasn’t met at least 2 of them. She then suggests seating arrangements for these guests and closes with…]

I am trying to live with your guidelines of keeping it small so you all can get around to talk to everyone. You do not have to feel compelled to talk to these people, that is our job. We will be happy to entertain them.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I threw what could charitably be referred to as a temper tantrum about it this morning, making the Mister (who is actually on my side here) mad at me. There are so many things about this that INFURIATE ME. Not the least of which is that apparently I do not feel compelled to “follow the standards of common etiquette.” Oh, and that she doesn’t care at all about what I want for my wedding day. Oh, and that she’s pulling this shit exactly 2 months before the wedding (when the invitations, by the way, have already been printed). Oh, and that she suggests that instead of getting to talk to all the guests like we wanted, we just not do that. Oh, and that insists that they “need” to invite these people WHO I’VE NEVER FUCKING MET. No. That is not a need. That is a want. And that is also not. going. to. happen.

out of the closet, into the light

2009-03-13T17:22:00.001-04:00

So last week I posted a comment on a "real life" friend's blog (the always hilarious bruns) without even thinking about it. As soon as it posted, however, I realize: I've outed myself. Bruns and our many other friends who read it have now discovered I have a blog. And not just a blog. A fucking wedding blog. It's humiliating. But nonetheless, welcome friends. I guess I should be pleased to no longer be living a lie.

In the spirit of confessions, I have another. I have been tanning. Not a lot. Like, once a week for 8 minutes in the lowest-level bed Tanfastic (yes, it's really called Tanfastic) has to offer. I have only two things to say about this: (1)I actually do believe I have seasonal affective disorder, and this has genuinely improved my mood, and made a couple spots of psoriasis I have notably improved. (2) Fuck all y'all, it's my wedding. If I don't want to look like the corpse bride, I'm not going to. If that means going to the trashiest establishment in town and slinking out like I just stole something, hoping not to run into anyone I know, SO BE IT. At least I'm not getting acrylic nails and blonde highlights. FOR NOW.

an aside, re: Rihanna

2009-03-09T13:42:00.000-04:00

People leave the oven on or fry turkeys in the garage and burn their house down. One may even accidentally step on the gas instead of the brake and run over the family cat. Mistakes resulting in tragic consequences happen all the time. But one cannot mistakenly beat someone up. You do not accidentally give someone black eyes, a broken nose and a split lip.

snapped

2009-03-08T14:07:00.000-04:00

I have decided I hate wedding blogs. That's an overstatement. I have decided I am sick of most wedding blogs. I still love the individual brides blogging about their interesting or personal details of their own up-coming or recently-passed weddings. What I hate are the big, pretty conglomerate sites with their gorgeous (though frankly, after a while, totally indistinguishable) photos and supposedly helpful tips. You are not helpful. You are not inspirational. You are irritating to me right now.

This is the post that threw me over the edge. Here are my thoughts, as I'm reading the post...

1. Hey, her name is Kate! Awesome!
2. Oh, and her fiance is a law student! So she knows law school sucks!
3. Wait, "the trick to this whole planning thing for me has been including him without interrupting his vital study time"? Seriously? Ooookay.
4. She's referring to her fiance as Superman? Is that what I'm to understand?
5. I'm just going to post the rest of the article in its entirety because it is so mind-blowing/numbing:

In an effort to give Superman a choice, I researched around 75 bakeries and narrowed it down to 40, then presented him with those options. He was overwhelmed and I translated that as disinterest. He became frustrated and after some thoughtful discussion, he said something brilliant.

"We can’t do everything. We have to pick what’s best. Best for us; Best for our wedding, yes, but best for our time and schedules.”

This outlook was new to me and oh so very helpful in the many discussions since. I just have to keep in mind that sometimes, protecting our stress levels and schedules is just as much a design decision as protecting our need to have the best baker in the city.

The stress of planning a wedding can be compounded by so many everyday requirements. I’m glad to be planning a wedding that reflects where we are right now, with all the challenges and difficulty this time includes. Will it reflect a couple who had hours and hours to call every baker in town? No. It will reflect a couple who made stylish choices in the face of other responsibilities and pursuits. I hope, and oh how I know it will reflect a couple deep enough in love to withstand a 2000 mile separation. A couple prepared for a lifetime of obstacles and happiness.

She asks whether her wedding will reflect a couple who had hours and hours to call every baker in town, and then says it won't. Well, somehow she found the hours and hours necessary to call or otherwise research SEVENTY FRENCHING FIVE BAKERS and then narrow them down to FORTY and was pissy when her Superman couldn't find time to call each one and find the best of them all. She thinks it's a revelation when her Superman tells her they need to do what's best for them?! Really?

Anyway, I shouldn't be so harsh on this poor Kate. It's not her. It's me. I've been reading these blogs for much too long now and it's posts like this one--every day, posts like this one--that have rotted my brain.

These posts aren't even as bad as the others like "We have THE LOVELIEST WEDDING OF ALL TIME to show you" with photos (where the photographer certainly cost over $5,000) of things like huge centerpieces I can tell you definitely cost over $100 a piece with little notes saying things like "the bride wanted all her guests to feel welcome, so she wrote them each an individual note telling them how happy she was that they came all the way to Timbuktu for her wedding." Subtext: why aren't you writing individual notes to your guests, you lazy, ungrateful woman? "The bride is a graphic designer, so she designed her own amazing, letterpress invites (at half the cost!)" Half of a zillion dollars is still a half-zillion dollars, but the subtext? Why can't you be crafy enough to do things for your wedding too, lazy? Or why can't you just suck it up and spend the money on pretty invitations--you really need to have them. "The bride wanted to save money on the dress, but as soon as she put on this Vera Wang gown, she knew it was The One, so she just had her friend the tailor make her a reproduction." Subtext: I need new friends, apparently.

I will probably come back and edit this post to be somewhat more coherent when I'm in less of a wedding fatigue-induced rage. But until then, let me say this: "style me pretty" doesn't even make sense. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHY WOULD YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT?

springtime, please

2009-03-05T17:08:00.000-05:00

I got back from my lovely San Francisco trip Monday and have been mostly worthless since then. Seriously. I have skipped half of my classes this week, done very little of my reading, generally failed to study for the ethics portion of the bar exam which I have to take on Saturday, and hadn't worked out until this morning. I think I'm experiencing some serious end-of-winter ennui, coupled with a bad case of senioritis. Too bad spring won't come to the frozen arctic wasteland I'm currently stuck in for another 2 months or so, and I still need to, you know, graduate.

So the invitations lady sent more paper samples. I still don't like them. (Seriously, is emerald really that weird?) But you know what else I don't like? Not having them done. So I just went with it. Whatever. Ideally, I'd like for invitations to go out next weekend, so you know, no time for pussy-footing around.

And the officiant lady emailed me to be like "so...about that wedding thing..." and I emailed her back to be like "yeah, we should do that." So I guess that's done.

The other day I was talking to the Mister, and he said something to the effect of "I really can't wait until this wedding planning stuff is over." Which I wholeheartedly agree with, but I also wonder what the hell I'll obsess over next. Also, wtf? He's ready for it to be over? As though he's been doing a lot of the planning? Though maybe it's more of a commentary on life with me through the process...

soon as I settle, I better be able to move on

2009-02-23T12:08:00.000-05:00

So this weekend, the Mister and I headed back to the city where we're getting married for wall-to-wall wedding action. It was so exhausting that, even though it's well after noon, I'm still laying in my pajamas in my bed.

First, we met with a possible officiant. This woman was, how shall I say, weird. She seemed perfectly nice, but she also is clearly a crazy cat lady, you know? I also don't know how the hell we could find someone else at this point, and I feel confident that if we scripted everything out she'd do it just how we want, so how much does it matter? The Mister and I both left sort of feeling blah--we'd hoped that we'd have some sort of "connection" for lack of a better word (and for the infection of Rock of Love into my brain) and we didn't. We're up against the wall as far as time and distance, so we'll probably just hire her. Settle number one.

Second, we had our first caterer's tasting. The food was delicious, so I am quite pleased. But we had asked last-minute to change the potatoes, and that wasn't reflected (though the old-style potatoes were pretty good). Also, we didn't get to taste the bread or the appetizers. Whatever, I'm settling.

Third, I had my first dress fitting. The alterations man (seamster?) is fantastic. He clearly knows what he's doing, but he also just just fun and entertaining. Also, I've been working out a lot and eating reasonably well (until this weekend, where I was sick and back home---so of course I couldn't work out or eat anything except the MOST disgusting foods imaginable) so the dress fits SO much better than it did last time I tried it on, before Thanksgiving. So that went well, until he started pinning my bustle. My dress has a fair amount of stuff going on, and it turns out, when you want that stuff to not be on the floor, it looks slightly odd. As in, WOW, that's a lot of fabric. On my ass. Awesome. He tried a couple different things, but you know, there's only so much you can do. It looks like you're hiking your dress up because YOU'RE HIKING YOUR DRESS UP. Sigh. Settle number three.

Fourth, we went to the tux place. Here, we did not settle. (I need to put in a plug here for family-owned and operated businesses. We ended up going to two locations of the same store and being waiting on two different guys whose names were on the door and nowhere else in the wedding industry have I been so well-taken care of.) In fact, the Mister ended up getting such a good deal on a tux, he bought one (or should I say, his mother bought it for him. I think she was just so pleased to be invited along, she started dropping plastic). And let me tell you, if you have never seen the very tall, very dashing, freckle-faced young Aryan man you love in a tuxedo, you are missing out on one of the great pleasures in life. I know he felt a little silly, what with his mom and me watching him, but man...ladies go crazy for a sharp-dressed man.

Finally, I had hoped to meet up with the invitations lady. It didn't happen. I wanted to go to a paper store with her because we're still having what I will term "communications issues" about what emerald green means. Since last time we talked about paper it took me 2 months to see anything, and the invites need to go out in three weeks, I decided--you guessed it--to settle for a color that wasn't quite right. I emailed the inivitations lady to tell her as much, and she says that she got some more samples and is sending them to me today. Fingers crossed this means that my custom invites are actually...you know, what I wanted.

I must say, I am really looking forward to the day when we can go home...just to go home. (AND WHEN WE DO, WE'LL BE TOTALLY MARRIED. Weird.)

guess what I'm wearing right now?

2009-02-12T21:26:00.000-05:00

If you guessed lingerie, you're not only creepy, but you don't know me that well! If you guessed a veil, you're not only creepy, but right!

I was talking to my alterations man, and he said I should bring my veil with me, which reminded me that I hadn't yet bought one. I knew I wanted one, but just hadn't gotten around to buying one...the ones in bridal stores are so crazy-expensive! I finally just decided to go on and buy a cheapie. Less than $10 on eBay! (Also, my first eBay purchase ever. Yes really. I know, I'm living in like 1996.) It's a little fuller than I had anticipated at the crown, but I think once I get it situated and I'm wearing it with something other than an H&M sweater and jeans (you know, like a white gown) it's going to be awesome.

I LOVE the look of birdcage veils...on other brides. For some reason, I just look like a little girl playing dress up or something. Plus, I'm not entirely convinced it would look right with my dress, which is more Gatsby-era than Garbo-era vintage looking, I think. Plus, there's something sort of ethereally pretty about a traditional lighter-than-air veil. Or at least I think so. As I sit here, blogging and wearing it. That's not weird, right?

what's done is done

2009-02-05T12:09:00.000-05:00

So after much back and forth, I decided to show my mom the dress I showed you all a few days ago. My sister/MOH was mildly horrified that that wasn't step one. Here's why it wasn't step one: I showed it to her, and literally within 30 seconds she had ordered it. I wanted to be sure.

Thanks to all of you for reassuring me that we can make it look more happily festive with colorful accessories. (I also think the tea length and poofiness help.) Special thanks to Melissa for telling me how to, you know, be a real blogger and add a gadget. Next time. Next time.

And because I forgot to credit the photo last time, here's a link to where you too, can be the owner of said dress.

what is this, a funeral?

2009-02-02T20:58:00.000-05:00

I wish I knew how to post a poll, because this a poll post. The question is, the mother of the bride wearing black: no big deal or kinda funereal? Specifically, what do we think of this dress--

Let me know in the comments. Please.

105 days

2009-01-31T16:43:00.001-05:00

We're almost at the 100 day mark. That's frightening. I mean, it shouldn't be, because we've been engaged now for over two years. But it is anyway.

So about the Great Family Musician Debacle: my cousin emailed me back with a very sweet, very long email explaining that he would not be able to play at my wedding because he will not be able to come to my wedding. Apparently he and his wife scheduled a family vacation for that week and it's nonrefundable and whatever. I'm obviously bummed about it, but you know, that's how it goes. Plus that puts us two people closer to hitting the "under 100 guests" mark! Bright side, I shall find you!

The Mister and I are planning to go home over the first weekend of my spring break, so we should have plenty of wedding-planning frenzy to report on then. (As an aside, my "spring" break is in February. It's nonsense. In fact, the university doesn't even believe it themselves, and it's technically termed "Winter Break." Lame. Regardless, I'm going to San Fransciso for a few days--my first trip to the west coast!--so if you have a list of must-see attractions, or don't-bother tourist traps, leave them in the comments. Pretty please.) However, until then, I'm in sort of a lull: I've got the big pieces in place, but the little stuff is still too far out to deal with.

epic fail: mission ask for help

2009-01-25T13:53:00.003-05:00

So, my cousin will not be playing at my wedding. Deets to follow.

help, I need somebody

2009-01-24T16:39:00.000-05:00

I have trouble asking for favors, generally. Unless it's someone I'm really close to and who I do favors for pretty regularly, I just try to avoid it. This is a big part of why I'm doing so much of the wedding stuff either on my own or through the help of paid vendors.

That being said, my uncle and cousin are both musicians. They both play guitar, my uncle plays the mandolin, and they both sing. They play in bands, but mostly I know them for playing Christmas carols at our family Christmas or sing-alongs at the summer family reunion. Oh, and they're good. So I really would like for them to play at the wedding rather than some random musician I find through The Knot or something. But that means I have to ask them to play at the wedding, and that is hard.

I was going to ask at Thanksgiving. But then I got sick and lost my voice completely.

I was going to ask at Christmas. But then I got sick and slept through 90% of Christmas day. (Are we seeing a theme? Maybe I need more Vitamin C.)

But more than being sick, I also was just a big ol' chicken shit. So today, finally, I emailed them. I'll let you know what they say.

invitation madness

2009-01-20T22:48:00.000-05:00

My invitations lady is having trouble finding the right shade of green for my invitations. Siiiigh. Apparently neither of her regular paper suppliers have anything that's right and so now she has to order online and blah blah blah. Seriously, I didn't think emerald green was that hard. However, apparently what I think is "emerald" is actually lighter/brigher than true emerald, which the paper industry seems to think is something like "shiny hunter green." Here's the bridesmaids' dress:

Am I wrong? Isn't that "emerald"? Have I been misnaming my oh-so-vital "wedding colors" all this time?

Also, she just sent me a mock-up of what it might look like. I was so excited about them when we designed them, which has been nearly a month ago now, and now I'm feeling...ambivalent. The Mister says they're "fine" but doesn't like that the response card has M______________ where the recipient writes in his/her name. I told him that was standard and I'm still not sure he believed me. I have been trying to figure out how to edit the invitation (it's in PDF) form so as not to have my last name plastered all over the interwebs to no avail.

Edited: WAIT, success??!

So, what do you think? I promise it looks better with our names and the address written in there, and if you ask real nice and I don't think you're a crazy person, I might just email it to you unedited.

Also, yes, I know the wording is wonky. I will not be inviting people to attend my marriage--I will be inviting them to my wedding. Hopefully our marriage will be long, and have at least a few private moments.

apologies

2009-01-20T22:17:00.000-05:00

I really apologize for my lack of posting. I hate it when my blogs I read do that, and here I've gone and done it to you. This is for a number of reasons:

1. Classes started. The beginning of any new semester is sort of insane, and this one in particular because I'm taking a condensed class that meets for 3 hours every evening for the next week and a half. Once it's over, I expect to have a lot more time on my hands.

2. I was out of town this weekend for my brother's bar mitzvah. When I tell this to people who know me and not my crazy family situation, the immediate reaction is always "wait...are you Jewish?" This reaction is not surprising, given that I look pretty Irish and have a sort of generically British sounding last name. The answer is that no, I am not Jewish. To be fully accurate, he's my half-brother, and his mother is Jewish. It was my first bar mitzvah, and I got to stand up on the bima? Bimah? Beemah? Someone help a goy out. Anyway, it was a good time and made me very, very glad to no longer be 13. I'm awkward enough over 10 years later.

On a quasi-related wedding-related note, is it weird to have a chuppah if you're not Jewish? Because I think they're lovely. And the symbolism (your new home/life together) is not too shabby either.

Also, I sort of love Ketubahs. Maybe I should just convert (Side note: serious debate between The Mister and myself this weekend--can you convert from no religion to a religion? Or is "convert" not the right word there?). But seriously--look at a few of these. So lovely, and I like the idea of the marriage being a contract.

3. I've been swept up in Obama fever. Did you watch? Were you riveted? If you haven't already, you must watch Beyonce singing "At Last" for the Obamas' first dance. I am not always a huge Beyonce fan ("Single Ladies" and some of the early Destiny's Child like "Jumpin', Jumpin'" or "Bills, Bills, Bills" notwithstanding) but this was some of her best work. And the Obamas are, of course, fantastic. Mister, if you're out there: this is what a slow dance should look like. I'm having trouble finding the video right now (it was just on about an hour or two ago) but it should be widely available soon.

I promise a new post about wedding stuff. And soon!

Bride Wars

2009-01-09T19:11:00.000-05:00

So, by now, if you're on the internet (and you are) you've probably seen an ad or read a review of Bride Wars, the new film starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway. Here's a confession: I love Anne Hathaway, and I even like Kate Hudson. And I love stupid comedies. And I am primed to love wedding movies right now, what with wedding planning consuming an embarassingly large portion of my brain right now. And yet, I refuse to see this movie. I flat out refuse.

Most of the reasons for my one-woman boycott are summed up in Jezebel's recent post on the subject. (As is so often the case, Jez says it best.)

I will confess that, at times, wedding planning has made me a little bit of a "crazy bride." What it has not done, could not do, is make me into a totally different person. A bad person. Which is what it seems that Hollywood believes or at least wants us to believe. And I refuse to support another movie which perpetuates the myth.

I've seen a couple interviews with Kate Hudson promoting the movie, and she has mentioned that she was also the producer of the movie, and that it took her five years to get the movie made because "it was hard to make a movie about two women being petty and catty also sentimental." It seems to me that this should have been a red flag. Why, oh why, must movies aimed at women so often also show women as creatures who are (1) catty and petty, (2) obsessed with men/have nothing to say other than about men, or (3) you know, just plain crazy. WE ARE NOT ALL LIKE THAT. Frankly, most of us aren't.

If you're on the fence about seeing the movie, and my mild tirade hasn't dissuaded you, perhaps a compilation of the critical pans will. (Also from Jez, because really, what else do I read?)

What's in a name?

2009-01-07T19:55:00.000-05:00

Name changes are like the third rail of feminist brides, like myself. Stating an opinion on the subject opens you up to all sorts of nasty comments from those on both sides, when it seems to me that of all things a name is, well, personal. Thus, I will share my opinion with you in the hopes that you will realize that this is what's right for me and that I'm not preachy (or at least, not intentionally so).

I will be changing my name. Or I guess more accurately, I will be adding the Mister's last name to my own. I am one of those with a short enough name that I often get called by both--you know, like your friend Jenny Liu everyone calls JennyLiu all the time and if you called her "Jenny" she'd barely know who you were talking to? Anyway, so using that example, I'd be becoming Jenny Liu Mister, dropping my middle name (It's Anne. Yes, that's exactly how creative my parents were. Katherine Anne. There were only about 9343284239483944 of us born in the '80s.), and using all 3 names in most cases.

Why am I doing this? In the first place, because it's really important to The Mister that we have "a family name." The Mister is, among other things, a traditionalist in a lot of ways. I know when hearing "traditional," a lot of feminists hear "mysoginist" but I at least choose to hear it differently. It's not about my becoming his property, it's an outward reflection of our reality--that we are a family.

The Mister actually first mentioned his desire for a family name to me when we first started dating, and we were like 18 and 19 and had been dating only a couple months. (As I recall the conversation, it was in no way creepy, it was more hypothetical than anything.) And my response then, and still today, was that if I were established in my career there's no way I would change my name. If I was young, just out of school, it was important to my future husband, and his last name didn't suck (it doesn't), then I would consider it.

So I guess what we have here is a perfect storm of name changing factors.

We didn't discuss the possibility of The Mister's taking my last name. I don't exactly know why we didn't--maybe this makes me a bad feminist--but we just didn't. Neither one of us is keen on hyphenation either, so that wasn't a real option, but the Mister did suggest that he take my last name as his middle. So we'll have two matching names. I don't know why that made me feel so warm and fuzzy, but it did.

Anyway, for those of you who know me in real life (or at least on facebook, which passes for real enough these days), don't be shocked when you see my name get one name longer in May.

it's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

2009-01-01T12:12:00.001-05:00

So, here it is: 2009. This will be a big year for me, what with becoming a married lady in May, graduating law school in that same month, moving to Chicago later in the summer to start a real lawyer-job, and hopefully buying a house (please financing, loosen up!) and turning 25 so's I can rent cars willy-nilly. Okay the last one's not so big. But I mean, I'm going to go from a student, living like a student, to a married lawyer (hopefully) homeowner. That's a big year.

Anyway, now a story about the end of 2008. My grandmother was reviewing our registry (our registry which I have slaved over and over and over) to decide what she would get for us, and she noticed we had registered for Calphalon knives (made in Japan). She seemed concerned, because she knew that German knives are the sort of industry standard, and she said she wanted to talk to my uncle who cooks a lot about it. She spoke to him and called me later to confirm that he said that German knives are really the way to go but then cautioned "I mean, I don't know. The Japanese really are always cutting things." (Her logic is unassailable.)

Anyway, after much research and stress, I have decided to change the registry and go with the German knives, in large part because the Japanese knives, while sharper and maintaining sharpness longer (good!) tend to rust if not washed and dried immediately after use. Several of the reviews I read mentioned that they had cut something, put the knife in the sink, and when they came back at the end of the meal to find their expensive Japanese knife rusted. Not cool. I mean, I can take care of nice things, but seriously, that's just too much.

So as I'm doing this research I ask the Mister to help me look at knife reviews and he responds "I'm not sure I have any special insight here." Which I of course interpret as "I don't have access to special information, it's the same interwebs I would use. You should do all the research and plan the entire wedding all by yourself with no help from me or anyone even when it's something stupid and gender-neutral and I might actually care about, like knives." This led to a minor wedding-related breakdown where I admitted I'm just stressed out about this whole wedding. The Mister helpfully asked what I was stressed out about and I was able to make this list: (1) we have no officiant and no idea on how to find an officiant to do a civil ceremony other than the web, and some of their websites are ATROCIOUS. The Mister agreed this is a valid concern and offered to help me do some research and to make time to go back to Wedding City for us to meet with candidates some time soon. (2) I have no vision for how to decorate the area where we're having both the ceremony and reception. It's a brick patio with a white tent to one side, and it's lovely on its own and we'll have floral centerpieces on the tables, so that's the most of it. Still I feel like I should figure out how to arrange the cake table and where to put the guestbook and whether we should do some kind of pretty lighting (I love those globe paper lanterns) and if we should do an "heirloom table" with pictures of our grandparents on their wedding days and if we need a big floral arrangement with the place cards and if we should do placecards at all our a big seating chart and.... The Mister's response to this concern was basically "wait, didn't we pick this location because it's pretty?" "Yes." "So...isn't it just going to be pretty?" (3) Have we made a huge mistake with the registry? I never would have second guessed our knife choice if my grandmother hadn't mentioned it to us, and then we would have ended up with a bunch of rust balls with very expensive and aesthetically pleasing hilts because that's all I looked at. What if the same thing is true of our plates? Or our food processor? OR ALL OF IT WHAT IF WE DID IT WRONG, ALL WRONG?! The mister's response to this concern was basically "well yeah, but at least we'll be married people with rust balls." Damn him and his level head.

So, now, in the spirit of this day, a few resolutions...

Wedding related resolutions:
1. I will remember the purpose of the day--to have a sweet fucking party for all our friends and family--and not inflate its importance. We're practically married already and we'll be actually married afterward regardless. The rest is gravy.
2. I will ask for help when I need it, specifically from the Mister.
3. I will not let the other pretty blogs and other crazy brides on the Knot freak me out. It is my wedding, it is not a competition.

Non-wedding related resolutions:
1. I will value my health, meaning I will eat mindfully and exercise. I will consider this an investment in my health rather than a means to weight-loss.
2. I will appreciate being a student while it lasts, even if I do hate law school. I will enjoy having so much free time and flexibility in my schedule because it will soon be over.
3. I will do a better job of showing the people in my life how much I love them and how important they are to me.
4. I will not bring "throwaway" items into my house. I will stop buying cheap crap which I will just have to replace soon anyway and instead save up to buy something more worthwhile, substantial, and lasting.

SO HAPPY TO BE GETTING MARRIED

2008-12-29T16:29:00.000-05:00

I mean, just look at us. We're jumping for joy.

Edited to add: so our photographer posted some of our engagement photos on her blog. I am pleased.

another marathon begins

2008-12-21T17:26:00.000-05:00

Much like the Mister and I had a Thanksgiving Marathon, we're now on day two of our Christmas marathon. Luckily it's a bit more spread out (we have a week down here rather than four days) but still. Thus far: engagement photos and florist meeting; cookie-baking at the future in-law's place, lunch with mom and step-sister. Still to come: meeting with the invitations lady; drinks with a college friend, the Mister's family's neighborhood Christmas party, Christmas with my mom's side, my dad's side, and the Mister's family. It's daunting to say the least. However, as I am done with finals and very nearly done with law school altogether, I am pleased as punch.

The engagement photos went okay, I think. As I've mentioned before, we're not the most photogenic couple of all time. We brought along our precious mutt, and she was on her absolute worst behavior. I mean, seriously, she's often obnoxious, but this was a new low. She fears water, so at least I've never had to worry about her being wet. After a few attempts at getting her in shots, I gave up and was going to tie her to a tree. This involved me letting go of her for a second, and as soon as I did, she jumped in the lake after some ducks. An ice-covered lake. In December. Can't get her to get in Lake Michigan with the other dogs on the dog beach in Chicago, but she'll jump in a below-zero body of water six months later. What a dumbass. So anyway, she spent most of the shoot curled up in the warm car in some towels we luckily brought along. After that, I think it went a little better. We'll see when I get the proofs. I was definitely relieved that we seem to get along well with the photographer. We had never met her, which is always nerve-wracking, but sort of the only thing you can do when you're planning long-distance like we are.

This morning my mom and I met with the florist, who I had also never met. She was pretty fantastic. Probably my favorite wedding vendor thus far. She asked me to send her some photos of stuff I liked, and she seemed to get my vision better than even I do. She was just talking about different stuff she could do, and every time she said anything, it was better and better. At this point, there's not a ton we need to do, but it was so exciting to have someone "validate" what I've been dreaming up. Plus, she likes my other vendors and that's always good to hear independently. I kind of just want to be friends with her, but I feel like that's creepy. And as annoying a bride I can be, I do NOT need to add "creepy" to my list of self-adjectives.

fight the power

2008-12-17T13:21:00.000-05:00

So I was reading an article today about Danica McKellar (aka Winnie Cooper of the Wonder Years, and Elsie Snuffin if you're as big a West Wing fan as I am and stuck it out past season 5.). She has her PhD (I think) in math and is otherwise just a crazy-smart super-nerd. She wrote a book called Kiss My Math aimed toward tween girls, to get them to believe that it's okay to be smart and not just boy-crazy. She was on the Today show this morning and explained that "she wanted to put math in terms girls could understand, like boys and popularity." (Then Al Roker told her he would have been more interested in math if his teacher looked like her. Sigh.)

So my internal question is this: can you fight the problem if you're still kind of buying into it?

I am a little conflicted about a lot of wedding planning. On the one hand, I really want to have an amazing gathering for all of our friends and family. And I know people can do that for pennies on the dollar, but you know what? I can't. I don't want to ask my family to cater or do flower arrangements. I don't want to DIY my invitations. Hell, I don't really want to DIY anything. I am not that crafty.

On the other hand, though, I don't want to buy into this idea that you have to have a fancy caterer and flower arrangement and the best invitations. I don't want to, but I totally have.

I read somewhere that the average cost of a wedding in the US these days is somewhere in the neighborhood of $30,000. Particularly in this economy, it's hard not to think about all the "better" places that money could be going. But I guess at the end of the day, I'm only doing this once and I want it to be perfect. We're not extravagant people, and our wedding won't be either, but I have definitely bought into a lot of things that I didn't think I would and I'm not totally comfortable that I have. I guess the uneasiness is probably a good sign--I think if I were spending this much money willy-nilly, someone should probably have stopped me by now.

paper paper paper

2008-12-15T21:18:00.000-05:00

So one of the things that going in to this whole thing that I didn't care much about that I now suddenly have strong and irrevocable feelings on is the invitations. Or as they say on the wedding blogs, the Paper. The Paper is an important way to set the tone for your wedding. The Paper gives you an outlet for a recurring motif like a monogram or particular flower. The Paper is very important.

I had never heard of letterpress before I got engaged, but now I apparently have to have it. I had sort of thought I would just go to Kinko's and pick something super simple out of a book and be done with it. Like everything else, this has spiraled into something totally different.

I now have an invitations lady. A whole lady. Just for invitations. Oh, and programs, and seating charts, which I obviously need too. Julie the Wedding Planner says she's just great. (Did I mention I somehow have a wedding planner too?)

Anyway, so I'm meeting with the Invitations Lady next Sunday. The Mister's Mother and I both. (See what I did there? Again?) And that means sometime between now and then I should probably figure out what it is I want out of an invitation. Here's one I like:

I hope the Invitations Lady can work with relatively little guidance. I am not good at guidance.

P.S. RED ALERT: THE MISTER HAS FOUND MY BLOG. I am not good at keeping secrets. Frankly, it's a miracle it lasted as long as it did. Le sigh. Hi, Mister!

I am the luckiest

2008-12-12T14:55:00.001-05:00

So I'm one week from freedom, meaning right now I'm mired in...nonsense. But a lot of icky news has come out today--some of which you may have read about in papers or blogs, and some of which is confidential. But most of what I'm talking about centers around women being placed in such awful situations that they have (or at least believe they have) no good choices. Their options are something like let a professor get away with assaulting you or out yourself as a prostitute and ruin your career forever. Anyway, it's the choices these women have that I'm thinking about today as I try to study. And I'm trying to remember that, no matter how much I have a crappy day or have to do things I don't want to (like study, for instance) I am so, so blessed to have, on the whole, a world of great options laying out before me. Suddenly cake or cheesecake doesn't really seem like it should generate any stress at all.

but this was supposed to be fun!

2008-12-07T21:03:00.000-05:00

When I got engaged, the number one thing I was looking forward to was registering. It's like shopping, but with other people's money! And you get the fun scan gun! And I can have any kitchen gadget that my heart desires! What could be better?

The Mister and I both love to cook. And we have a pretty well-stocked kitchen because we use it pretty frequently. But we have a lot of low-budget kinds of things, like SHARPSU brand knifes. Literally. The Mister broke one this week. When I asked how, he replied "oh, I tried to cut something." We are waiting for our wedding guests, to paraphrase Beyonce, to upgrade us because damn, knives are expensive.

Anyway, this weekend we went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to begin the registry. We're trying to keep the guest list pretty small, so we decided not to register for fine china. I'd rather have everything we actually desperately need than like 75% of that plus some stuff that we might like to have in a perfect world (like and
). So we decided to keep the registry smallish. But then I worry that it looks like we're angling to get cash (which might be nice, but we're certainly not) so we add some more kitchen gadgets. But then I decide we don't need all that crap (nor have anywhere to put it) so we take a bunch of it off. The process was repeated at Macy's.

All through this process, about 4 different women with the frightening title "Bridal Consultants" hovered around, offering to "help" us pick items. Yes, Melissa, I know that this is a wish list. I'm sure, Bethany, that our guests would LOVE to spend four times as much on dishware for us, but I really don't think that's necessary. And no, Lori, under no circumstances do we need fancy leaded glass wine glasses. You clearly have never had wine with us. It usually ends with The Mister doing "the surfboard" dance, me passed out, and at least one glass broken. I'd prefer if that glass didn't cost $24.

Anyway, it's EXHAUSTING traipsing through these stores and trying to strike a balance between "the world is my oyster, and I want this to last forever" and "that's just absurd." This was what I was most looking forward to, and somehow I left ready to cry. Or nap. Preferably both.

and another thing

2008-12-05T10:52:00.001-05:00

I guess I did have a lot of wedding-related crap to post about. Hmm. Who knew.

Anyway, I tried on the dress again at my mom's place over the holiday. It's a lot of dress, which is still a concern for me. But it is a gorgeous lot of dress. It's a little snug and so it pulls a bit in the midsection, so that's problematic, but I think it's totally fixable with an actual commitment to working out or the magic of Tony, my alterations guy. (My lazy self says the latter is more likely.) Of course, even having seen it recently I was still shopping on www.oncewed.com this morning. It's like an illness.

pity post

2008-12-05T10:28:00.000-05:00

So I always get mad when my favorite blogs don't update as often as I want them to. Not that I believe this is anyone's favorite blog, but I do feel a sense of obligation to keep updating. Anyway, consider this a pity post, because I have nothing of note to talk about.

That's not entirely true, I suppose. It's just that I've been sick for what feels like a year (and is actually about 11 days) and FINALS are upon us. When I was an undergrad, I actually enjoyed finals period. It meant no classes, and the tests were not hard, so I never studied. FINALS in law school are something completely different. Something ominous. It means no classes, sure, but more than that it means at least 8 straight hours of studying. Day after day. It's even harder this year because I have a job for post-graduation lined up, so the motivation to do well is...well, not real high. Probably why I'm here writing this rather than writing that pesky trademarks outline.

Anyway, I guess I do have at a couple of wedding-related updates. First, apparently the Mister's Mother complained to her niece that she wasn't being included in any wedding decisions. The niece told the Mister, and the Mister told me. Siiiigh. (Also, what is this, 6th grade? She couldn't just tell me?!) It's not that I'm purposefully excluding her, it's just that almost all the decisions made thus far have been made by me, alone, behind this computer, sitting on my couch 250 miles from the Mister's Mother. And frankly, the Mister's Mother is a lovely, helpful woman, but her taste is often...different from my own. Nonetheless, the last thing I want to do is hurt this lovely woman's feelings, so I resolved to include her in what I could.

Second, we have decided on cake. My sister/maid of honor, the Mister, the Mister's Mother (see what I did there?) and I tasted cheesecakes and "regular cakes" over the holiday, and though the regular cake was admittedly quite tasty and moist, the cheesecake was a clear winner. The Mister and I are much bigger fans of cheesecake than regular cake, and this cheesecake was particularly yummy. They decorate 'em up to look like regular cakes with the tiers and whatnot, and we can do different flavors in different layers. I think we're going with plain, raspberry swirl, and turtle. Get excited. I know I am. Excited and hungry. I should go get some breakfast.

The Running of the Brides

2008-11-25T20:33:00.000-05:00

So I've mentioned The Running of the Brides here a couple of times here. Or at least once. It feels like more, but I can't find the others to link to them. Whatevs. Anyway, I feel I owe it to you, my loyal band of two readers who weren't there with me, to describe the experience. And, dear readers, it was an experience.

So once a year, Filene's pushes all their regular merchandise to the side and brings in racks and racks full of wedding gowns which were discontinued or otherwise cast off by the bridal salons of the world. The doors open at 8, I think, but brides camp out the night before, waiting in line to get first crack. When the doors open, the women (in "teams," normally designated by hats or t-shirts or some such) run in a frenzy to grab as many dresses as possible. The dresses are not sorted by size or style, so this means they have a ton of dresses, most of which won't work. They then trade their cast-off dresses for other teams cast-offs, trying to get things which fit their needs. Some carry signs like "I NEED A WHITE, STRAPLESS SIZE 2." There are no fitting rooms to be had, so the brides are wearing bike shorts and sports bras, and changing in the aisles, with bridesmaids holding up full length mirrors and saying things like "I don't know, it's a little frumpy."

If you hadn't guessed by now, this is not exactly my style.

So, my bridesmaids and I roll in at about 10. 10 seemed right--the real crazies have either found their dresses and left or given up and left. Either way, they're gone. It also means that the dresses aren't so picked over that there's nothing left. Don't get me wrong though--there are a lot of FUGLY dresses. (The Mullet Dress comes to mind.) There were also a lot of brown dresses. I mean, there's ivory, but these dresses were past tan into straight up brown. And, of course, there were the '80s poufy dresses. But in the midst of all of that were some really gorgeous dresses. Including mine.

I think most brides second guess their dress choices at some point, particularly if they (like me) look at all these websites with other brides wearing such breathtaking dresses. I have had this problem exacerbated by the fact that my dress has been stored at my mom's place and I haven't seen it or tried it on in six months. Though maybe that's better? Anyway, sometimes I wonder if I missed out by skipping the bridal boutique experience, but I'm sure I would have fallen in love with an $8,000 gown. Ah, well. That's the way it goes I guess.

dell customer support online chat ftw

2008-11-23T21:09:00.000-05:00

So, again, this is totally un-wedding-related, but I am just so pleased I needed to share.

Background: my computer's charger has been crazy moody lately. Like, I will have it plugged in, it will charge for a minute, but if you jostle it at all, it will stop charging. Even if it's firmly plugged in the wall, firmly in the computer, it's not going. I think some kind of wire inside it is shorting out, but regardless, it's incredibly annoying. I called Dell customer support about it about 3 weeks ago, and was told that because it works sometimes, they think it's not the charger, they think it's the hard drive and I would have to send my computer in for about 3 weeks for them to check it out. I tried to explain that, no, the computer otherwise works fine, and it's just that the charger sometimes doesn't work, but "Jeffrey" would have none of it. I realized only afterward that if I just told him it didn't work at all (despite the fact that it sort of works if you hold it just right and don't move at all) he would be much more receptive. This after I held for 15 minutes. He said he would send me an email showing a reciept of our conversation, but I never got it. I think something about the spelling of my email address got lost in translation.

(Aside: "Jeffrey" told me he was in India, and then proceeded to try to sell me a premium Dell service where you can speak to a real person in North America, instead of some lousy old Indian dude!)

Anyway, I finally got fed up enough with the precarious charging system today to try to call Dell again. As I was looking around their website for the phone number, I found that I could chat online with an agent instead. The following transpired:

Session Started with Agent (Madhusudhan_187930)
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Hello Kate. How are you doing today?"
Kate : "I'm okay"
Kate : "how are you?"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Good and thank you for asking."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "How may I assist you today Kate?"
Kate : "my power cord is not working properly"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "I understand that your power cord is not working properly, am I right?"
Kate : "yes"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Okay."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "May I please know as what exactly is the problem causing the power cord not working properly?"
Kate : "I don't know why it's not working"
Kate : "but if I plug it in and put it in the computer, the computer doesn't charge"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Okay."
Kate : "I'm using a friend's power cord now"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Could you please tell me Kate does your friends's power cord working fine with the computer?"
Kate : "yes"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Okay."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "So you mean to say that the battery is getting charged if you are using your friends power cord but not the one you have, am I right?"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Kate are you still connected to me?"
Kate : "yes, sorry"
Kate : "that is correct"
Kate : "it charges with my friend's power cord, but not mine"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Okay."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Any other issues apart from this you are facing with your computer Amy?"
Kate : "no"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Not a problem Kate, I am going to send you a replacement Power cord for your computer."
Kate : "great, thanks"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "You are welcome."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "May I please have your contact number and full mailing address to send the AC adapter?"
Kate : "sure"
Kate : "phone number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx"
Kate : "mailing address is xxxxx"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Kate I see a different address in your records, do you want me to change the address with the current address which you have given me right now?"
Kate : "yes, please"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Sure, give me couple of minutes while I log the case and give you the case number."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Thank you so much for waiting Kate I appreciate your patience."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Please pen down the Case# xxxxxxxx ."
Kate : "no problem"
Kate : "okay"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "You will be recieving the Ac adapter withing 2-3 business days."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Anything else apart from this you want me to help you with?"
Kate : "no, thank you"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "You are welcome."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "So have I answered all your queries and questions today?"
Kate : "yes"
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Thank you so much for your time and patience, thank you for your help today."
Agent (Madhusudhan_187930): "Thank you for choosing Dell technical support."
Kate Dennis: "thank you, Madhusudhan"

Pretty soon, I will be able to charge AND blog or shop for overpriced wedding goods at the same time! It's a revelation!

so much hungry

2008-11-21T19:23:00.000-05:00

So throughout the bridal blogging world (and it is a CRAZY world, for those of you uninitiated), there's a lot of self-hate and body-bashing. I will attempt to not do that now. It's understandable--there's a lot of pressure to look great on your big day, coupled with the camera adding ten pounds...it's a recipe for disordered eating/body image. It's actually very much like putting every woman into a TV show for a year or so. It's not healthy. Anyway, I read these blogs of seriously size 4 women bashing how chubby they are, and hating on themselves for having that burger last night, and lamenting that they're not a size 0. It makes me sad.

All of that being said, I've been battling my weight off and on (that is, I've always been heavier than I might have liked, but often have said fuck it and eaten whatever and however much I want anyway) for as long as I can remember. And I'm susceptible to the same pressures. So I'm trying to eat healthier, and less in preparation for the wedding. And you know what? It sucks. I like fatty, greasy, sugary foods. And LOTS OF THEM. I hate being hungry. But I try to rationalize that this is a long-term thing to make myself healthier, and not a quick fix to look hot in my dress. Looking hot is just a side benefit. A very large side benefit.

So, I basically just said I hate this kind of post and then went on to make it. Being a bride makes me awful, and I apologize.

when you call my name, it's like a little prayer

2008-11-19T17:37:00.000-05:00

Last night, a friend invited me to come see Madonna with him. Let me say this: if you like Madonna at all and you get a chance to see her live, do it. Do not think about how expensive it is. JUST GO. As for me, I consider myself a casual Madonna fan. I don't know any of her new stuff except the singles, and even those I'm a little sketchy on. However, The Immaculate Collection is, of course, one of the greatest albums of all time, and so I know all of those songs. But this friend of mine had an extra ticket he needed to unload, so though I had previously balked at the price, I now could go for free! (Yes, of course he's a gay man. What straight man buys two absurdly expensive tickets to see Madonna? Though hilariously, his friends thought I might think that this was a date. Can you imagine? "Dear Diary, I met the nicest boy--he took me to Madonna!" This aside has become too long, and yet I refuse to stop it. Sorry.)

So the Sticky/Sweet Tour has been particularly well-recieved because Madonna has been doing a bunch of her old stuff, which she often refuses to do. But let me tell you this: when she went straight from 4 Minutes to Save the World into Like a Prayer, I nearly lost my shit. The fourty-something ladies in front of me and the super-gays behind me pretty much did lose their shit. I have never, ever seen any song bring down a house like that did. And this was an ENORMOUS house.

I am building a must-play list for the wedding DJ and so far, Like a Prayer is the only thing on it.

party in the front, business in the back

2008-11-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

So my two bridesmaids and I bought my wedding dress at The Running of the Brides. One of these days I should do a whole post about that, because it was a sight to behold. One of the best/worst things about the experience is that there are a lot of really fugly dresses out there, and The Running is where they go to die. Or, more accurately, where they go to get bought by totally desparate bargain hunters. One such dress we affectionately named The Mullet. It was a sparkly, ridiculous confection in and of itself, but then--never wanting to leave too much without more--the front was short and the back was long. My bridesmaids insisted I try this travesty on. The front was seriously indecently short. Well above mid-thigh. The back was so long it had to have been a chapel-length train. WHY?! WHY?! I am not judgy about bridal fashion, for the most part. I mean, do what you want, whatever makes you feel pretty. But really? What you want to be wearing on the most-photographed day of your life is a mullet dress? Interesting choice. I figured the inherent ridiculousness of this garment was why it had landed at The Running. I figured no self-respecting woman would actually wear such a thing. (I should have been disabused of this notion when, as I was trying it on, several people told me how great it looked.)

I shall now post a photo of a totally different mullet gown. And a real person wearing it. I feel a little bad about doing this, but come on. You need to see this. This person is an acquiantance of my sister's, who sent it on to me. For which I can only say: THANK YOU FOR KNOWING ME SO WELL.

Shoe Update

2008-11-15T15:59:00.000-05:00

They are here, and they are even more lovely in person. They are slightly too small, however, and Bluefly does not have them a half size up. They're so completely perfect in every other way, however, that I've decided to keep them. I'm working on stretching them out/breaking them in starting...yesterday.

Also, they SO need some kind of "shoe bling" so if you've got suggestions, leave 'em in the comments. Please. And thank you.

FINALLY, it's happened to me...

2008-11-12T20:25:00.000-05:00

I finally found shoes. Only other brides could recognize how monumentally AWESOME this is. I have been looking for appropriate wedding shoes literally since I bought my dress. In February. Yes, 9 months ago. And not just, like, oh, I'm at a shoe store looking for sneakers, I should see if they have wedding shoes too. (Though, I admit, there was some of that too.) Like, actively looking. Scanning Zappos for any new postings. Constantly. Driving my bridesmaids crazy asking questions like "Is this too skanky?" "Would I wish I were dead if I were wearing these?" "I can't spend more on my shoes than I did on my dress, right?" and "I've lost all perspective: these are really ugly, aren't they?"

Why was finding a pair of shoes so hard? Well, for one thing, the Mister is an entire foot taller than me. I'd prefer not to look like a munchin at the altar, so high, high heels are a must. On the other hand, I'd also prefer not to wish I had cut my feet off at the ankles rather than subject myself to the torture of those high, high heels, so I was thinking a platform would be nice. Extra height, less heel. Win-win. Except that classy platforms are so much harder to find than I thought. So, so, so much harder.

On top of that, I haven't actually seen my dress since February, and I keep forgetting things about it. Like what exact color it is. (I bought it at the Running of the Brides, so there wasn't exactly a tag or an order or something.) Which makes buying white/off white shoes hard. The beading on the dress is a pewtery silver, which means gold is out as is super-bright shiny silver. My bridesmaids are wearing emerald green, so that was an option. I also thought blue might be nice (for my something blue), but I didn't want a navy or baby blue; if I was going to go blue, I wanted a sapphire to look nice with the emerald. Maybe that's crazy, but you know what? Fuck it, it's my wedding.

Anyway, after nine months of searching, I think I've found them. Of course, I need to see them in person to be sure, but I think this is it.

Now I can move on to obsessing about whether they need some sort of brooch or shoe clip on the toe! Excellent!

Four Thanksgivings

2008-11-06T15:59:00.000-05:00

So since I'm planning my wedding from approximately 250 miles away, it can be tricky to schedule meetings that I actually care about. A few vendors I've paid sight unseen, so to speak, but there are some you just kind of have to meet. For example, cakes. I want to taste some damn cakes. Unfortunately, the only time I'm going to be in town the next couple of months is Thanksgiving. Oh, and Christmas. So convenient.

In addition, since the Mister's parents and mine live about an hour apart, we feel obligated to see both sets any time we're back. Oh, and my parents are divorced, so we have to see both halves of my family.

All this to say, our Thanksgiving weekend schedule looks like this:

Wednesday: work for the Mister and class for me, then to my mom's place

Thursday: get up in the morning and drive to my dad's parent's house (about an hour and a half away) for the turkey and fixin's

Friday: get up in the morning and drive back to my mom's place. Repeat turkey. Drive to the Mister's aunt and uncle's house. Eat something other than turkey, please Jesus. Party with his cousins.

Saturday: get up in the morning, try to make myself presentable, drive to cake tasting number one. Eat cake. Drive to cake tasting number two, try to eat more cake and not vomit. Feel guilty about number of calories consumed this weekend. Eat more cake. Drive back to the Mister's aunt and uncle's. More partying with cousins.

Sunday: get up in the morning, try to shake off caloric coma. Drive the four hours back to our humble abode. Prep for my last week of classes of the semester. Try not to think about how exhausting this whole "vacation" was.

Engagement Photos

2008-10-30T14:04:00.000-04:00

So, the Mister and I aren't the most photogenic people you've ever met. I mean, we're lovely and all, but somehow you put a camera in our face and it looks a little bit like we might be related to Sloth from The Goonies. It ain't cute. HEEEY YOUUUU GUUUUYS!

Anyway, so one of the things I decided I wanted out of all this wedding nonsense was some nice engagement photos. Just some decent pictures of us. Maybe even a couple artsy ones. We're fun people. And someday we're going to get old and decrepit and I'd like to remember the way we looked back in the day.

Here's the thing, though: engagement photos are cheesy. I mean not absolutely all of them, I guess, but when you look at as many as I do (which, let me tell you, is kind of a lot), the more you realize...wow, this is silly. I mean, just google them. Seriously. You'll laugh. Then (if you know us) picture mine and the Mister's heads on those bodies: you'll laugh again.

here comes the bride...ALONE!

2008-10-25T12:31:00.000-04:00

So, as I mentioned, I've decided to walk down the aisle alone despite the fact that I love and am pretty close to both my parents. People seem to be very emotional about this choice, which is a little funny to me. One of the reasons I didn't really think I would get married is sort of what the whole institution used to mean, and the relics of that that continue into today. I knew I didn't want anyone "giving me away" because, you know, I'm not a cow, I don't belong to my father (or my mother) and I'm not theirs to give. I am my own woman, and I am giving myself to the Mister just as he's giving himself to me. What better way to symbolize that I am independent, and that I am coming into this of my own choice, with my own mind, my own heart? What better way to symbolize that, at its root, this is about ME and HIM?

I knew I needed to talk to my dad about this before we got too close to the wedding day because I really didn't want to hurt him. Like I said, this is about me, and not about my relationship with him. So I was at lunch with my dad and my sister (and maid of honor) and I mentioned my feelings on the matter, and my dad was totally cool about it. "Yeah, that makes sense. That's a lot more YOU." (Which is accurate.) My sister, however, FLIPPED HER SHIT. She thinks it makes it look like I don't get along with dad, or that I don't have family. She thinks it's a slap in the face to him. To which I can only say: um...no?

I certainly don't mean to say that it's anti-feminist to be walked down the aisle by your dad. If that's what the bride wants, more power to her. But for me, with my already having some icky feelings about weddings, this was a nice compromise. And my dad will still get a sweet boutineer and a hug. What more could a guy want, right?

"fuck them, it's my wedding"

2008-10-19T19:02:00.001-04:00

From the jump, I told everyone who would think it was funny that the motto of my wedding was going to be "fuck them, it's my wedding."

For instance, I have stepsisters to whom I'm not all that close, though I was in the younger one's wedding and they both call me their "sister." They're not going to be in the wedding. You know why? Because fuck them, it's my wedding.

I'm not doing favors. Fuck them, it's my wedding.

I'm walking down the aisle by myself, despite the fact that I have a good relationship with both my parents. Fuck them, it's my wedding. (More on this later, likely.)

Yet somehow, I feel like every decision I've made since the beginning of our engagement has been about what other people want and what they'd like in our wedding. Which is all well and good, but I just sort of wish I'd kept my irreverant (if, you know, rude) spirit. It was good for my mental health while it lasted.

lovebirds

2008-10-17T12:22:00.000-04:00

I hate birds. Anyone who knows me could tell you that I have a perhaps abnormal fear/loathing of birds. Birds of all sizes and kinds, though there is a sort of spectrum of how awful they are. Big birds and birds of prey are worst. Baby birds and flightless birds are best (specifically baby penguins. even I can admit they're sort of cute. for birds). Birds are disease ridden. They have beady eyes and pointy beaks. And those gross, gross feet. THEY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEIR BOWELS. Seriously, is there anything grosser? And they can fly around, leaving you vulnerable to having your eyes pecked out AT ANY MOMENT. Plus, they are dinosaurs.

So it really irritates me when there are cutesy wedding things with birds all over them. I want cutesy wedding things, but I do not want those evil disease carriers anywhere near my special day. Look at this one! Those birds are perched on the edge of those glasses, waiting to lose control of their bowels all in your drink! In this invitation , these birds are eating your beautifully crafted centerpieces! Make them stop! And here: who wants to look at those dinosaurs while they eat? Yuck!

But more than anything, I hate being called a lovebird. I am a human being. I AM NOT A FUCKING BIRD. THAT IS GROSS.

Luckiest Girl Ever

2008-10-16T18:36:00.000-04:00

I'm a law student, and this semester I'm working in a clinic that deals with child protective proceedings. My biggest case is representing a mom who's had her kid taken away because the dad was abusive to the mom in front of the kid. The mom since moved out, is in counseling, and is basically trying to put the pieces of her life back together--and get her daughter back. It's kind of a long story, but basically, the caseworker for the state hates my client and will stop at nothing to keep this kid in her foster home. It makes my stomach hurt to think about.

Anyway, after a long day of dealing with this shit, I come home and get in my warm and comfy bed, curled up with my laptop and O the Oprah Magazine (always a good way to feel better about the world). After a while, the Mister calls to say he's on his way home, and offers to stop at Chipotle to bring me a delicious dinner. Sometimes I forget that I really am the luckiest girl in the world. It's sad that it takes dealing with some of the unluckiest people for me to recognize it.

And because this post was depressing, and I've broken the seal on photos, I leave you with this:

Wait, why?

2008-10-15T14:53:00.000-04:00

One of the things I'm trying super-hard to do throughout this process is to ask myself why I want certain things. For instance, until last month I was growing my hair out because I believed brides had long hair. Check out any wedding website, and you will see lots of brides growing out their hair for the big day.

Carrie Underwood here is sort of the holy grail of wedding hair. And I'll admit, it's lovely. So lovely that I, too, began growing my hair out.

Here's the thing, though. My hair looks bad long. I mean, not BAD-bad, but like, it just looks much better short. I like it better short. The Mister even likes it better short (and, from what I understand, dudes typically like longer hair).

So here I am, growing my hair out because I think it's what I'm supposed to do despite the fact that the dude I'm marrying and I both think I look better when it's not that way. Isn't that about the most absurd thing you've ever heard?

It happens to me all the time with this wedding planning nonsense. The most recent example is cake. I don't particularly like cake. I mean, it's fine, and a good cake is great, but a mediocre cake (which most wedding cakes are, frankly--and certainly all of the ones we could afford are) is just not worth getting excited about. The Mister, however, loves cheesecake. I like it a lot more than regular cake. And there's a bakery in Cincinnati, where we're getting married, that does nothing but cheesecake. And they even do cheesecakes that look pretty much just like regular cakes. And yet, I still had this feeling like I should do a regular cake instead. WHY?! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS?!

I am trying to train myself to recognize this feeling and fight it. It's MY wedding, right? It should be what I want, what I care about? Not just what I'm supposed to do? Right? In this spirit, I cut my hair. I am getting the damn cheesecake. And I'm not going to even think about getting extensions, Carrie Underwood!

p.s. photos!

photos?

2008-10-14T19:42:00.000-04:00

So all the other bride blogs have photos. For "inspiration." And then they have links to where you can purchase the things which have inspired you. How convenient, Wedding Industrial Complex! Why thank you, bloggers of the bridalsphere, I DO need to peruse $700 shoes! Why yes, I WOULD like to imagine what it would be like to spend $4000 on a cake!

So I'm debating whether to put photos on here. On the one hand, weddings are pretty. And this is likely to be the only time in their lives most people have a professional photographer follow them around for a day, so the photos are extra-pretty too. But on the other hand, I think the purpose of this blog (for the moment anyway) is for me to put into words how I feel about all this wedding planning nonsense and that doesn't need photos.

Probably pretty will win.

Check, check, check

2008-10-13T19:58:00.000-04:00

So we're in the crunch zone of time where I have been booking things right and left. The Mister and I have had a long engagement and for literally about a year and a half, I did nothing. I mean, I looked at wedding magazines and blogs, and I fantasized about what all I wanted (and obviously couldn't afford). But most places weren't even ready to talk to a bride more than two years from her wedding date, and I wasn't ready to commit to any particular vendor that early anyway. I think of this period as making up for the fact that, until that date, I hadn't really thought about what my wedding might be like. At all. I definitely wasn't that girl when I was little who had the big poufy dress all picked out. I crammed a lifetime of wedding fantasies into two years. It was a sort of sickening time.

Anyway, that time has passed, and now it falls on me to actually make decisions. In the span of the last two weeks we've picked (1) an officiant, (2) a photographer-avoiding a potential familial landmine maybe I'll talk about later (3) a florist, and (4) a D.J.

All of this makes me think I'd have been better off getting married 2 years ago. Le sigh, too late.

It's a PARTAYYYY

2008-10-12T22:39:00.000-04:00

Basically, the Mister and I are as good as married in my mind (but married in my mind's no goooood). We live together, we have a legit partnership....not that much is going to change because we have some piece of paper. Or at least so I say now. But so all of this makes the wedding basically one big party where I get to look extra-hot and everyone we love gets to come.

Tonight we had some people over to our place, several bottles of wine, some delicious eats, and I felt so happy. I just hope that I don't lose that sense of fun and lightheartedness (and, frankly, booziness) in the intervening months. Over the course of our engagement, I keep trying to tell myself "it's just a big party." But then the Wedding Industrial Complex wants to tell me "yeah, just a big party to celebrate THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE MEANINGLESS LIFE SO BUY BUY BUY." And I need to get better at saying "pipe down, WIC."

The Beginning

2008-10-11T13:29:00.000-04:00

Actually, this isn't the beginning. It's not even close to the beginning. Today is SIX YEARS from the beginning. Six years ago today, the Mister asked me if he could tell people I was his girlfriend. Today is nearly 22 months from when the Mister asked me if he could tell people I was his wife. But, it is the beginning of this blog.

It's a little sad for me that this we have to start over on the anniversary count. Isn't that ridiculous?